to be mothers

to be or not to be?

this is a warning for all future mothers.

contractions when you get closer to labor feel like someone is reaching inside of your body and trying to pry open your pelvis like a book.


please note.


i like the sound the rain makes on the leaves outside.

i don't like the bird who sings nonstop at 5 in the morning.

or whatever smooshed one of my tomato plants flat...


i like vanilla shakes now, does that make me a boring person?

i like the fruit trees that grow along side the roads here, inviting you to take a peach along the way like an afterthought to an afternoon walk.

making anywhere you travel a picnic.

i like stripes, and if i had nice legs i'd wear skirts and dresses every single day.

pregnancy throws your wardrobe into a limbo-twighlight zone you never ever imagined exists. you don't know what size pants you'll be after, nothing fits, and the things that do- shouldn't. and the things that did, wont.

i used to be so sure. yes i can fit into that size. i defined myself so long by the clothes i wore and bought, instead of saying- i am funny, i would say- i am a size 4, i am a small.

it's been hard to look in the mirror without a size.

now i am a mother.
and that's turning out to be bigger than i thought.