if i didnt have my mom here with me i would be dead right now.
normally, if i don't get 12 hours of sleep i turn into a zombie that kills everybody, but i have her helping me with grace at night so it's not bad at all! she even slept for 2 and a half hours straight in between one feeding.
guys, im really ready to bottle feed. i know breast is best- and i'm trying really hard but grace just doesnt have a huge appetite and im starting to look like dolly parton but not in the cute dolly way.
my chest feels like its filled with rocks. so today i started pumping to relieve the pressure and i'm wondering if its time to feed grace out of bottles... she's having trouble latching.
also, she's gottten really good at scratching herself so we keep socks on her hands like a little boxer.
it seems ironic that when the baby sleeps all i want to do is stay awake and look at her.
having a baby is like having your own heart and soul outside of your body- breathing and snorting and crying and smiling sometimes.
it's own entity.
and you wonder why you spent so many years trying to define yourself, or your personality or your mind when all along it was right there just living on it's own.
does that make any sense?
i need some sleep but
in between ravenous hunger
sort of failed breastfeeding sessions
staring lovingly at this small person for hours
and taking medicine
i'm all out of time!
May 31, 2011
May 28, 2011
peanut!
Grace Elaine Cochran (graceylane is how i say it, but you call her whatever you want because she is perfect!) was born after being in the hospital for 20 hours, in labor for probably 7 hours, and pushing for 27 minutes
at 7 pounds 8 oz and 19.5 inches long and a head full of blondish brown hair she came out with her eyes wide open.
she has beautiful little hands with long fingers and tiny fingernails and right now she is laying in her little crib next to me with her hands up by her face like a boxer. she just had her first bath and i must say i was really jealous that b got to go with her to the nursery for the whole thing!
we took tons of photos (some that seriously will not go public.) but i dont have the cord and i'm writing this blog to keep myself awake because i am desperately tired and once i'm out i want to be out tonight. although i need to remind myself that with a newborn that's simply not an option anymore!
happily.
you guys, there is nothing, nothing, nothing in the entire world that can even come close to the way you feel about your own child. i would maybe compare it to the day i got married to brandon, and the day i got my endowements and i walked into that bright beautiful room full of family in white and felt the most overwhelming love in my heart. sort of close to that.
i know it's going to hit me harder later, and that i'm probably going to have to just sit down and cry for a while because i feel like i'm in shock.
but other than that i can't describe how i feel today. i'll get back to you on it.
when my mom sent me a photo of me as a newborn i cringed a little bit because i think i look like a korean white blond boy child but then i met grace, and she looks just like me, but has brandon's nose.
i wasn't the CUTEST newborn (i had some bumps and bruises) but i was a cute toddler! and grace is a huge improvement i think.
okay im going to go to sleep before i pass out.
there are things about childbirth that people do not tell you, and i'm going to tell you those things- but i'm going to do it on a different blog so that if you dont want to read it you dont have to go to it.
huge love for the world today.
it's exhausting.
May 27, 2011
terror frying.
Did you know you can be in labor for a long time?
did you?
did you know you can be in labor (for weeks) and still not be admitted to a hospital because you are 3 minutes away from perfect contractions and it's memorial weekend and every bed is full for some reason? (even up in pediatrics?)
did you know that after you go in to be tested to see if your water has broken that you'll bleed for the next 6 hours on and off?
ah, the miracle of life.
is terrifying.
not having any control over anything and not having your kid out in the open where you can see she is alive and moving and breathing and wonderful.
they don't tell you that stuff. so i am.
i'll be sure and let you know when i can actually have this child.
i'm afraid i'm more ready than she is...
but i don't know because they keep telling me to go to labor and delivery and i dont want to keep getting sent home!
aeuijahsng;ieool
did you?
did you know you can be in labor (for weeks) and still not be admitted to a hospital because you are 3 minutes away from perfect contractions and it's memorial weekend and every bed is full for some reason? (even up in pediatrics?)
did you know that after you go in to be tested to see if your water has broken that you'll bleed for the next 6 hours on and off?
ah, the miracle of life.
is terrifying.
not having any control over anything and not having your kid out in the open where you can see she is alive and moving and breathing and wonderful.
they don't tell you that stuff. so i am.
i'll be sure and let you know when i can actually have this child.
i'm afraid i'm more ready than she is...
but i don't know because they keep telling me to go to labor and delivery and i dont want to keep getting sent home!
aeuijahsng;ieool
May 26, 2011
it could be any day... it could be!
1. my dog dash loves cherries, cherry pits and cherry stems.
2. today i went to the doctor i am 2 cm and 60% effaced (wahoo!) and had my membranes swept/stripped.
3. i'm the biggest wuss ever!
4. b is awfully cute when he gets panicked about the baby coming soon "i'm not ready! there's not enough time! i need to read baby things and... baby information!" this is all said with a nervous lopsided grin on his face. i told him he had nine months, i tried to talk baby with him!
5. oh well, i think he'll be marvelous.
6. my prediction is she will come may31 or june 1 2011. i have no idea when or how big she'll be. doc says she's dropped but there's no relief for the lungs yet... she must be a tall girl.
7. today at the doc's office my ob spent a solid five minutes trying to get her heartbeat. she kept rolling back and forth and he just shook his head and laughed and said "you're gonna have your hands full with this one... she's a stinker."
8. okay no more baby! i'm restricting my topics of conversation to anything else: fruit, bedsheets, clothes, food, and ... eguh ill come up with some other stuff i promise!
2. today i went to the doctor i am 2 cm and 60% effaced (wahoo!) and had my membranes swept/stripped.
3. i'm the biggest wuss ever!
4. b is awfully cute when he gets panicked about the baby coming soon "i'm not ready! there's not enough time! i need to read baby things and... baby information!" this is all said with a nervous lopsided grin on his face. i told him he had nine months, i tried to talk baby with him!
5. oh well, i think he'll be marvelous.
6. my prediction is she will come may31 or june 1 2011. i have no idea when or how big she'll be. doc says she's dropped but there's no relief for the lungs yet... she must be a tall girl.
7. today at the doc's office my ob spent a solid five minutes trying to get her heartbeat. she kept rolling back and forth and he just shook his head and laughed and said "you're gonna have your hands full with this one... she's a stinker."
8. okay no more baby! i'm restricting my topics of conversation to anything else: fruit, bedsheets, clothes, food, and ... eguh ill come up with some other stuff i promise!
"Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
May 25, 2011
i just heard one of my own ribs make a cracking sound.
i'm not even kidding.
that baby is starfishing in there and i can't wait until we are both comfortable.
chelsey your castor oil comment made me laugh so hard, because i don't feel THAT desperate yet and i keep telling myself to just enjoy being me right now because i'll never be the same. a mamma to be posted in a june birth club i'm a part of a list of things i should do before the baby gets here and i think they are just good things to do in general... but here they are!
1) Enjoy a good chocolate bar...slowly, without rushing because someone's crying or needs your attention.
2) Read. Good luck doing this afterward. Read a trashy romance, a magazine, catch up on an online blog, ANYTHING that has NOTHING to do with babies or pregnancy.
3) Watch a sad movie and cry if you want. You're not going to have a lot of control over your cry button afterward.
4) Watch a funny movie and laugh hysterically. Not because you're trying to induce, but because you can laugh and not wake someone up.
5) Get your hair trimmed and highlighted if you do that. You won't find time after the LO is here. Pamper yourself a little and take yourself out for lunch afterward.
6) Make your SO a romantic dinner. Even if you don't want to DTD, he may appreciate the gesture and you can remind him of that when he brings you that 3rd bowl of spagettios after the babe is born.
7) Go to a movie-lots of babies will sleep through a movie, but your luck yours isn't gonna.
8) Get your video camera out and videotape your babe moving. You'll miss this. Guarantee it.
9) Get your toes done and buy some shoes that show them off...even if you can't see them, it doesn't mean they aren't cute. Who cares if they are swollen. You are pregnant and GORGEOUS. I don't care what you say, you're all beautiful.
10) Go shopping for something completely baby/maternity unrelated. Remember what you used to like to shop for? Shop for that. Even if you don't buy anything. Heck, go to rummage sales and buy things you don't need.
i'm not even kidding.
that baby is starfishing in there and i can't wait until we are both comfortable.
chelsey your castor oil comment made me laugh so hard, because i don't feel THAT desperate yet and i keep telling myself to just enjoy being me right now because i'll never be the same. a mamma to be posted in a june birth club i'm a part of a list of things i should do before the baby gets here and i think they are just good things to do in general... but here they are!
1) Enjoy a good chocolate bar...slowly, without rushing because someone's crying or needs your attention.
2) Read. Good luck doing this afterward. Read a trashy romance, a magazine, catch up on an online blog, ANYTHING that has NOTHING to do with babies or pregnancy.
3) Watch a sad movie and cry if you want. You're not going to have a lot of control over your cry button afterward.
4) Watch a funny movie and laugh hysterically. Not because you're trying to induce, but because you can laugh and not wake someone up.
5) Get your hair trimmed and highlighted if you do that. You won't find time after the LO is here. Pamper yourself a little and take yourself out for lunch afterward.
6) Make your SO a romantic dinner. Even if you don't want to DTD, he may appreciate the gesture and you can remind him of that when he brings you that 3rd bowl of spagettios after the babe is born.
7) Go to a movie-lots of babies will sleep through a movie, but your luck yours isn't gonna.
8) Get your video camera out and videotape your babe moving. You'll miss this. Guarantee it.
9) Get your toes done and buy some shoes that show them off...even if you can't see them, it doesn't mean they aren't cute. Who cares if they are swollen. You are pregnant and GORGEOUS. I don't care what you say, you're all beautiful.
10) Go shopping for something completely baby/maternity unrelated. Remember what you used to like to shop for? Shop for that. Even if you don't buy anything. Heck, go to rummage sales and buy things you don't need.
May 24, 2011
EVICTION
people, im issuing an eviction notice. this baby better pack her placenta and get the heck out of here soon or i'm going to go absolutely batty.
i'm trying to be a good mother and lay in bed and not do the 1234342556 million self inducing labor techniques i learned this weekend or any crazy nursery hardware shenanigans on ladders so that she can come when SHE is ready and not at my convenience... but that's proving to be very difficult.
hulp. or so help me i'm going to start doing squats, going on walks, eating spicy foods, drinking raspberry leaf tea, doing things with evening primrose oil that you dont want to hear about, drinking castor oil (yeah WHAT?!), jumping jacks, jogging, eat an entire pineapple, take warm baths, ask to have my membranes stripped, bake "labor" cookies, mow the lawn, walk the curb, run up and down the stairs...
maybe today i'll just take a shower.
eguhrg.s
i'm trying to be a good mother and lay in bed and not do the 1234342556 million self inducing labor techniques i learned this weekend or any crazy nursery hardware shenanigans on ladders so that she can come when SHE is ready and not at my convenience... but that's proving to be very difficult.
hulp. or so help me i'm going to start doing squats, going on walks, eating spicy foods, drinking raspberry leaf tea, doing things with evening primrose oil that you dont want to hear about, drinking castor oil (yeah WHAT?!), jumping jacks, jogging, eat an entire pineapple, take warm baths, ask to have my membranes stripped, bake "labor" cookies, mow the lawn, walk the curb, run up and down the stairs...
maybe today i'll just take a shower.
eguhrg.s
May 23, 2011
to be mothers
to be or not to be?
this is a warning for all future mothers.
contractions when you get closer to labor feel like someone is reaching inside of your body and trying to pry open your pelvis like a book.
please note.
i like the sound the rain makes on the leaves outside.
i don't like the bird who sings nonstop at 5 in the morning.
or whatever smooshed one of my tomato plants flat...
i like vanilla shakes now, does that make me a boring person?
i like the fruit trees that grow along side the roads here, inviting you to take a peach along the way like an afterthought to an afternoon walk.
making anywhere you travel a picnic.
i like stripes, and if i had nice legs i'd wear skirts and dresses every single day.
pregnancy throws your wardrobe into a limbo-twighlight zone you never ever imagined exists. you don't know what size pants you'll be after, nothing fits, and the things that do- shouldn't. and the things that did, wont.
i used to be so sure. yes i can fit into that size. i defined myself so long by the clothes i wore and bought, instead of saying- i am funny, i would say- i am a size 4, i am a small.
it's been hard to look in the mirror without a size.
now i am a mother.
and that's turning out to be bigger than i thought.
this is a warning for all future mothers.
contractions when you get closer to labor feel like someone is reaching inside of your body and trying to pry open your pelvis like a book.
please note.
i like the sound the rain makes on the leaves outside.
i don't like the bird who sings nonstop at 5 in the morning.
or whatever smooshed one of my tomato plants flat...
i like vanilla shakes now, does that make me a boring person?
i like the fruit trees that grow along side the roads here, inviting you to take a peach along the way like an afterthought to an afternoon walk.
making anywhere you travel a picnic.
i like stripes, and if i had nice legs i'd wear skirts and dresses every single day.
pregnancy throws your wardrobe into a limbo-twighlight zone you never ever imagined exists. you don't know what size pants you'll be after, nothing fits, and the things that do- shouldn't. and the things that did, wont.
i used to be so sure. yes i can fit into that size. i defined myself so long by the clothes i wore and bought, instead of saying- i am funny, i would say- i am a size 4, i am a small.
it's been hard to look in the mirror without a size.
now i am a mother.
and that's turning out to be bigger than i thought.
Captain America
"is it just a coincidence that the Captain America movie is coming out on my birthday this year or is the marvel universe trying to speak to me?" -brandon leslie cochran. (i'm serious)
while all i can do is think/talk/eat/pray/sleep baby Grace, this is what passes through brandon's mind.
incredible.
while all i can do is think/talk/eat/pray/sleep baby Grace, this is what passes through brandon's mind.
incredible.
May 22, 2011
May 21, 2011
crock pot ribs
what a beautiful day for the world to end!
i just need to vent for two seconds
if somebody is avoiding people
you should probably just give up and leave them alone for a while.
not email their entire family and ask/insist that there is more you can do to
contact this person
who is avoiding you.
i hate to say this: but it's REALLY really not personal.
it's not that i don't like you.
i just DONT WANT COMPANY.
I DONT.
im CRANKY,
im pregnant, i dont fit in any clothes almost,
and i dont want to sit and chit chat about how close
to delivering i am and how uncomfortable it is!
i just would appreciate being left alone
unless you're family
because we have eternity so i'm used to the idea
of you being around and i like you.
and you're not pushy! holy moly!
okay vent done.
tonight is crockpot ribs.
i LOVE ribs.
if i wasn't pregnant i would be dragging brandon down to the shed and pulling out the canoes and jumping in some river somewhere.
slash riding bikes down the canyon
slash finding a pick your own farm and bending over for hours to get the best
strawberries i can find.
slash lying in a pool in a cute swimsuit.
brandon wants to stay inside.
i can't believe him.
but i guess after a year in the desert sun in afghanistan, you cant really blame him for avoiding the sunshine.
i think i sunburned my hands.
i just need to vent for two seconds
if somebody is avoiding people
you should probably just give up and leave them alone for a while.
not email their entire family and ask/insist that there is more you can do to
contact this person
who is avoiding you.
i hate to say this: but it's REALLY really not personal.
it's not that i don't like you.
i just DONT WANT COMPANY.
I DONT.
im CRANKY,
im pregnant, i dont fit in any clothes almost,
and i dont want to sit and chit chat about how close
to delivering i am and how uncomfortable it is!
i just would appreciate being left alone
unless you're family
because we have eternity so i'm used to the idea
of you being around and i like you.
and you're not pushy! holy moly!
okay vent done.
tonight is crockpot ribs.
i LOVE ribs.
if i wasn't pregnant i would be dragging brandon down to the shed and pulling out the canoes and jumping in some river somewhere.
slash riding bikes down the canyon
slash finding a pick your own farm and bending over for hours to get the best
strawberries i can find.
slash lying in a pool in a cute swimsuit.
brandon wants to stay inside.
i can't believe him.
but i guess after a year in the desert sun in afghanistan, you cant really blame him for avoiding the sunshine.
i think i sunburned my hands.
May 20, 2011
today, it's orem for me.
there is a bird in our neighborhood who is talking to the sky about all this rain. he never ceases, chatting, trilling- and then he catcalls.
i'm serious.
the bird, makes the catcall whistle.
i make it back and he is silent
and then he makes it again
so i make it back.
we go on like this for fifteen minutes until he decides i'm not the love of his life.
unless that catcall in his birdlanguage is an insult of some kind. i'd insult the sky today too with all this rain if i didn't have a roof.
that's okay. i've been reading about breastfeeding all morning, for something that looks super easy, it's actually very very complicated and many mothers fail at it for a while. how awful.
i'm trying not to get discouraged about all this before the baby is even here.
maybe i'll go install more shelves in the baby's room.
my sister lachelle sent me an email this morning which explained why new york is awesome
i agree with her, even though my memories of new york consist of:
serious humidity, smelly crowds, really good hot dogs, black and white cookies, frozen hot chocolate and the foot long hot dog at serendipity's, the zoo, a bum throwing a sandwhich at me, les mis, the fish market and not being able to breathe, and a faint memory of the big christmas tree and my pink and purple mini backpack.
that's all you hold for me new york. oh and footage after footage and photos of 9/11 replaying over and over again.
you are overwhelming. and everytime i was there i had serious fears of being lost forever in everything.
but it's nice to imagine what you could hold for me. are there birds in new york city? if i was a bird, i'd avoid it.
it's the green for me. it's the space and air and animals and even rain all day for me.
it's less people, less noise, dirt, and a drive to absolutely nowhere for me.
and while i am nowhere, i find myself entirely.
even with the small lovewhistle rejection from the unknown tweeter outside, i doubt my chickens would ever throw a sandwhich at me.
i'm serious.
the bird, makes the catcall whistle.
i make it back and he is silent
and then he makes it again
so i make it back.
we go on like this for fifteen minutes until he decides i'm not the love of his life.
unless that catcall in his birdlanguage is an insult of some kind. i'd insult the sky today too with all this rain if i didn't have a roof.
that's okay. i've been reading about breastfeeding all morning, for something that looks super easy, it's actually very very complicated and many mothers fail at it for a while. how awful.
i'm trying not to get discouraged about all this before the baby is even here.
maybe i'll go install more shelves in the baby's room.
my sister lachelle sent me an email this morning which explained why new york is awesome
i agree with her, even though my memories of new york consist of:
serious humidity, smelly crowds, really good hot dogs, black and white cookies, frozen hot chocolate and the foot long hot dog at serendipity's, the zoo, a bum throwing a sandwhich at me, les mis, the fish market and not being able to breathe, and a faint memory of the big christmas tree and my pink and purple mini backpack.
that's all you hold for me new york. oh and footage after footage and photos of 9/11 replaying over and over again.
you are overwhelming. and everytime i was there i had serious fears of being lost forever in everything.
but it's nice to imagine what you could hold for me. are there birds in new york city? if i was a bird, i'd avoid it.
it's the green for me. it's the space and air and animals and even rain all day for me.
it's less people, less noise, dirt, and a drive to absolutely nowhere for me.
and while i am nowhere, i find myself entirely.
even with the small lovewhistle rejection from the unknown tweeter outside, i doubt my chickens would ever throw a sandwhich at me.
May 17, 2011
bragging writes
today i am dialated to a ONE!
ONE WHOLE ONE!
which is more than the zero which was two weeks ago.
:]
also, my ob and nurse have declared aloud that i am the most pleasant 37 week prego lady they have in their office right now and that everybody else was either in tears or begging to be induced.
which made my day.
i've been taking it so easy, so i was surprised that i'm dialated at all and that makes me
ELATED.
don't worry, for all you moms out there i recognize this is pretty much the smallest deal ever and i'm blowing it out of all sorts of proportion but i don't care because it's somethin to me!
and i know in like five weeks when i'm still at a one (just kidding, please lord dont let that happen) i'll be done celebrating.
but for now... superwoohoo!
has anyone ever heard of anyone having a nickname of "cricket" when they were little? i think it's the cutest nickname other than peanut and i've already decided our other girl is going to be cricket.
or boy.
or whatever
in five years.
oh oh OH pee eessss: my baby shopping spree came in the mail today! double superwahoo! now grace has a changing pad, a billion (okay, a thousand) diaper wipes, a sling/carrier, a monitor, a ton of different bottles to try and i added two more books to our classics penguin clothbound collection: middlemarch and tale of two cities.
it's like christmas in may! AND it's raining! thank you world.
ONE WHOLE ONE!
which is more than the zero which was two weeks ago.
:]
also, my ob and nurse have declared aloud that i am the most pleasant 37 week prego lady they have in their office right now and that everybody else was either in tears or begging to be induced.
which made my day.
i've been taking it so easy, so i was surprised that i'm dialated at all and that makes me
ELATED.
don't worry, for all you moms out there i recognize this is pretty much the smallest deal ever and i'm blowing it out of all sorts of proportion but i don't care because it's somethin to me!
and i know in like five weeks when i'm still at a one (just kidding, please lord dont let that happen) i'll be done celebrating.
but for now... superwoohoo!
has anyone ever heard of anyone having a nickname of "cricket" when they were little? i think it's the cutest nickname other than peanut and i've already decided our other girl is going to be cricket.
or boy.
or whatever
in five years.
oh oh OH pee eessss: my baby shopping spree came in the mail today! double superwahoo! now grace has a changing pad, a billion (okay, a thousand) diaper wipes, a sling/carrier, a monitor, a ton of different bottles to try and i added two more books to our classics penguin clothbound collection: middlemarch and tale of two cities.
it's like christmas in may! AND it's raining! thank you world.
May 15, 2011
Amazing Grace
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
May 14, 2011
corn furrows
today was busy! i'm exhausted because i'm used to doing nothing!
we got a rototiller, ripped up 8 feet of roots three feet deep and up, mulched, tilled, furrowed, and planted in a thunderstorm CORN rows up against our far right fence wall. just in time for the sun to come out and the fence to shade the corn. boo hiss!
brandon's been helping kirby uncover a leaking pipe up at the cabin that apparently has been leaking 1.4 million dollars of water for who knows how long.
last time i saw him he was covered in mud and clomping it through my freshly vacuumed house.
boo hiss number 2.
in his defense the man needed something to eat before he passed out.
he's as tired as i am.
also he was sweet enough to make sure i knew not to take it too hard working in the yard and not to put myself into labor.
i thought that was really nice.
people keep asking if i'm going to be induced because of how uncomfortable i am, or because she is fully developed this next week- but i have to say, as convenient as that would be (and a LOT of mothers do it... like an incredible amount, and early) i'm just gonna ride this one out until we pass my due date by a week.
or so.
even though i want to meet this little girl more than anything else ive ever wanted in my whole life- (and i can remember wanting this when i was even a little girl myself, wanting a baby of my own. walking around with my doll under my nightgown) it's more important to me that she is ready to come into this world than my comfort. i mean, i'm claustrophobic, and sweaty, and i can't bend over or squat or really do anything- i puke up 1/3 of what i eat- and feel sick the rest of the time- i just trust my body and i know that hopefully it will know what to do- and if it turns out that it doesn't (since this IS my first time carrying full term) then i'll take a little help from my medical friends and induce.
i just want to avoid that if i can.
but i also dont want them to have to rip me open because she got too big to come out the way she was supposed to. (csection)
how do you be realistic about all the options and calm about them all?
it's tough because i want to plan the whole birth experience, i have an opinion on mostly all of it- but if one thing changes or goes differently then the whole plan is scrapped, and my MAIN GOAL: is to have a labor experience that i am happy with, that i can relax and enjoy because i PLANNED IT. i don't want to be disappointed by things that might go wrong, or changing the whole thing. (which is part of the reason why i'm saying give me that epidural as soon as you can- my anxiety alone would kill this baby if i wasn't aware of it) (although, you natural birthers, you granola go getters, YOU ARE AWESOME AND IMPRESSIVE AND AMAZING AND i wish i was you)
my pain tolerance. is ...
not high.
i'm aware of my body.
in fact, i like to give everyone around me updates constantly on how aware i am exactly.
i've done it since i was little.
sorry mom.
maybe it just stems from saying, "i have to go to the bathroom!" and making sure people know my needs.
otherwise i'm pretty quiet.
anywho. i hope the corn grows, i hope peanut grows, i hope i can grow fast enough for this next new adventure that is coming closer and closer.
it's spring. there's a lot of growing to be done.
tomorrow we are celebrating b's mother- my mother in law. i feel so lucky to have her as my mother in law. i relate to a lot of her, and she always cheers me up. she is a friend to everyone, and is always meeting new people. (which is sometimes hard for them... since our society is so CLOSED, and in their own world) she is encouraging and kind and works very hard at everything she does.
she inspires me to become more.
and she taught me how to make the best pie crust in the whole entire world.
she was a fabulous mother to her children and her love for her grandkids is unparallelled.
the woman is never going to die because she makes sure that her life is filled with purpose and direction.
and i'm grateful for her.
in honor of celebrating her i get to bring dessert and let me tell you, i'm almost as excited about this dessert as i am about having her as a mother in law.
fresh strawberry pie and triple chocolate mousse pie.
numnumnum love your mum.
we got a rototiller, ripped up 8 feet of roots three feet deep and up, mulched, tilled, furrowed, and planted in a thunderstorm CORN rows up against our far right fence wall. just in time for the sun to come out and the fence to shade the corn. boo hiss!
brandon's been helping kirby uncover a leaking pipe up at the cabin that apparently has been leaking 1.4 million dollars of water for who knows how long.
last time i saw him he was covered in mud and clomping it through my freshly vacuumed house.
boo hiss number 2.
in his defense the man needed something to eat before he passed out.
he's as tired as i am.
also he was sweet enough to make sure i knew not to take it too hard working in the yard and not to put myself into labor.
i thought that was really nice.
people keep asking if i'm going to be induced because of how uncomfortable i am, or because she is fully developed this next week- but i have to say, as convenient as that would be (and a LOT of mothers do it... like an incredible amount, and early) i'm just gonna ride this one out until we pass my due date by a week.
or so.
even though i want to meet this little girl more than anything else ive ever wanted in my whole life- (and i can remember wanting this when i was even a little girl myself, wanting a baby of my own. walking around with my doll under my nightgown) it's more important to me that she is ready to come into this world than my comfort. i mean, i'm claustrophobic, and sweaty, and i can't bend over or squat or really do anything- i puke up 1/3 of what i eat- and feel sick the rest of the time- i just trust my body and i know that hopefully it will know what to do- and if it turns out that it doesn't (since this IS my first time carrying full term) then i'll take a little help from my medical friends and induce.
i just want to avoid that if i can.
but i also dont want them to have to rip me open because she got too big to come out the way she was supposed to. (csection)
how do you be realistic about all the options and calm about them all?
it's tough because i want to plan the whole birth experience, i have an opinion on mostly all of it- but if one thing changes or goes differently then the whole plan is scrapped, and my MAIN GOAL: is to have a labor experience that i am happy with, that i can relax and enjoy because i PLANNED IT. i don't want to be disappointed by things that might go wrong, or changing the whole thing. (which is part of the reason why i'm saying give me that epidural as soon as you can- my anxiety alone would kill this baby if i wasn't aware of it) (although, you natural birthers, you granola go getters, YOU ARE AWESOME AND IMPRESSIVE AND AMAZING AND i wish i was you)
my pain tolerance. is ...
not high.
i'm aware of my body.
in fact, i like to give everyone around me updates constantly on how aware i am exactly.
i've done it since i was little.
sorry mom.
maybe it just stems from saying, "i have to go to the bathroom!" and making sure people know my needs.
otherwise i'm pretty quiet.
anywho. i hope the corn grows, i hope peanut grows, i hope i can grow fast enough for this next new adventure that is coming closer and closer.
it's spring. there's a lot of growing to be done.
tomorrow we are celebrating b's mother- my mother in law. i feel so lucky to have her as my mother in law. i relate to a lot of her, and she always cheers me up. she is a friend to everyone, and is always meeting new people. (which is sometimes hard for them... since our society is so CLOSED, and in their own world) she is encouraging and kind and works very hard at everything she does.
she inspires me to become more.
and she taught me how to make the best pie crust in the whole entire world.
she was a fabulous mother to her children and her love for her grandkids is unparallelled.
the woman is never going to die because she makes sure that her life is filled with purpose and direction.
and i'm grateful for her.
in honor of celebrating her i get to bring dessert and let me tell you, i'm almost as excited about this dessert as i am about having her as a mother in law.
fresh strawberry pie and triple chocolate mousse pie.
numnumnum love your mum.
May 13, 2011
work out
this is brandon
this is brandon watching a video on how to make swords.
i'm serious.
also he has taken to thug life- just kidding, he has taken to wearing a beanie so that his cowlick in the front doesn't drive me so crasy. isn't that sweet?
if i have to have long hair, he has to smucchsh his hair down.
ah marriage.
the days the internet died
"Women are like tea bags; we don't know how strong we are until we are in hot water."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
that's really all i have to say about that.
because blogger was down forever i actually accomplished things yesterday.
now i am back to blog about them.
it's holy gorgeous outside today so i'm really going to just go out there and soak it up!
wish peanut was here already so i could smear baby sunscreen all over her little nose and hands and wrinkly neck and cart her out and about.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
that's really all i have to say about that.
because blogger was down forever i actually accomplished things yesterday.
now i am back to blog about them.
it's holy gorgeous outside today so i'm really going to just go out there and soak it up!
wish peanut was here already so i could smear baby sunscreen all over her little nose and hands and wrinkly neck and cart her out and about.
May 11, 2011
a whale of a tail.
last night b put his icy hands on my belly and peanut jumped from the right side of my body to the left side- not much more room on that side than on the right, poor thing.
which brings me to an interesting thought- newborns LOVE to be swaddled up tight and bundled all squished, but if i was inside my stomach for 9 months i'd be like LET ME OUT OF HERE.
i went to the doc again today, from here out it's every week. i love my doctor! he's the best, he has the most beautiful children in the world and he wishes his wife would let him bring home 20 more kids- i think he is in the right profession.
anyways, basically i hope this picture of me makes you all feel ROCKING about your soon to be summer swimming bodies.
which brings me to an interesting thought- newborns LOVE to be swaddled up tight and bundled all squished, but if i was inside my stomach for 9 months i'd be like LET ME OUT OF HERE.
i went to the doc again today, from here out it's every week. i love my doctor! he's the best, he has the most beautiful children in the world and he wishes his wife would let him bring home 20 more kids- i think he is in the right profession.
anyways, basically i hope this picture of me makes you all feel ROCKING about your soon to be summer swimming bodies.
May 10, 2011
unthinkable
i did it, the unthinkable- when i was a kid my mom would pull meatloaf out of the oven and i would screw my face and nose up into the snootiest grimace and turn for the hills. later muttering as i smeared ketchup off the "ruined" meat. or falling asleep at the dinner table because i couldn't eat it.
but tonight
i am making my very first
(albeit turkey)
meatloaf.
please don't run for the hills.
i probably wont this time because nowadays i'm always, ALWAYS hungry! and my brain is concocting the strangest foods altogether that i can't stop and slow down and think of one good thing to eat at a time! again, do not fear- i am not craving dirt or chalk or turning pica or whatever that stuff is that some pregos do, i just love food.
i get on foodgawker and i stay there for hours.
favoriting dishes
like that is going to make them appear in my kitchen
exactly like the photographs.
b isn't any help either and i'll explain why
b's version of "a snack before dinner" is two packages of top ramen with a cut up boiled beef hotdog in it and a giant chocolate protein drink.
yes, the man is desperate for me to come back and start cooking like a normal person again.
he also begged me for his birthday present early today. why do we always do that? i want to be a normal real wife person who knows what her husband WANTS for his birthday ON his birthday and can buy it and have him be surprised when he unwraps the 25 pound set of rubber BFS weights. WHY can't i be that wife? instead we buy those things early and then look at each other on our birthdays like "please tell me you got me more stuff even though we already spent the money and i told you not to get me a present"
and the smiles fade when all the wrapped presents turn out to be bathroom goodies like a loofuh, flossers!, a new toothbrush, and body wash with a scrub! (thrills and chills people)
at least i make a mean birthday cake. when i want to.
as much as i'm craving food constantly- i feel sick constantly- so it's a double edge sword.
and usually results with nothing happening.
are you a terrible gift giver?
can you cook?
and do you like meatloaf?
but tonight
i am making my very first
(albeit turkey)
meatloaf.
please don't run for the hills.
i probably wont this time because nowadays i'm always, ALWAYS hungry! and my brain is concocting the strangest foods altogether that i can't stop and slow down and think of one good thing to eat at a time! again, do not fear- i am not craving dirt or chalk or turning pica or whatever that stuff is that some pregos do, i just love food.
i get on foodgawker and i stay there for hours.
favoriting dishes
like that is going to make them appear in my kitchen
exactly like the photographs.
b isn't any help either and i'll explain why
b's version of "a snack before dinner" is two packages of top ramen with a cut up boiled beef hotdog in it and a giant chocolate protein drink.
yes, the man is desperate for me to come back and start cooking like a normal person again.
he also begged me for his birthday present early today. why do we always do that? i want to be a normal real wife person who knows what her husband WANTS for his birthday ON his birthday and can buy it and have him be surprised when he unwraps the 25 pound set of rubber BFS weights. WHY can't i be that wife? instead we buy those things early and then look at each other on our birthdays like "please tell me you got me more stuff even though we already spent the money and i told you not to get me a present"
and the smiles fade when all the wrapped presents turn out to be bathroom goodies like a loofuh, flossers!, a new toothbrush, and body wash with a scrub! (thrills and chills people)
at least i make a mean birthday cake. when i want to.
as much as i'm craving food constantly- i feel sick constantly- so it's a double edge sword.
and usually results with nothing happening.
are you a terrible gift giver?
can you cook?
and do you like meatloaf?
squish rip pop fly
shout out to Dash: thank you for not being that dog= the one in our neighborhood who REALLY barks ALL DAY LONG! i mean, sometimes you howl for two seconds at some invisible threat which always startles me because you never bark- but when you do (because you're a dog and i'm not gonna take that away from you) you have the deepest bark ever and i feel safe.
so thank you for that
i'm
sorry we stick you in the side yard even on wet spring days where there's nowhere for you to lie down except wet cement or in your igloo which you wont- and i tried putting something squishy and warm out there for you but you tear it to pieces. so, entertainment is obviously more important to you than comfort which is why i leave you out there to begin with because caging you in a kennel in the garage for hours during the day seems like a terrible thing to do to a dog.
i'm new at this dog thing.
maybe i could staple some sort of squishy mat to the inside of his igloo so he wont eat/rip it out and throw it everywhere... but by the looks of what used to be (and if i hadn't bought these myself i would not believe/know what they were now because of the tiny scraps that are left)
-an entire blue dodgeball (i actually have no idea where the pieces are for this one... hopefully not in his insides)
-40 bones
- a purple monkey
-a hunting stuffed duck
-a neon green frog with the eyeballs eaten
AND
-a squeeky raccoon
i think it's false hope.
NONE of these above toys are intact in even a similar shape to their origin. NONE. that and there's a pile of fluff in the side yard from their insides that i suspect dash is slowly eating.
why does it feel like Wednesday?
did i finally just spell wednesday correctly for the first time in my life?
did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little?
mine was katie the raccoon.
she held a little pine cone in between her paws and it drove me nuts so i cut it out but then she kinda looked like zombie raccoon for the rest of her life with her two arms straight out in front of her.
she was my first big purchase in Yosemite park one summer for three whole dollars.
and to a little girl that's a big deal.
so thank you for that
i'm
sorry we stick you in the side yard even on wet spring days where there's nowhere for you to lie down except wet cement or in your igloo which you wont- and i tried putting something squishy and warm out there for you but you tear it to pieces. so, entertainment is obviously more important to you than comfort which is why i leave you out there to begin with because caging you in a kennel in the garage for hours during the day seems like a terrible thing to do to a dog.
i'm new at this dog thing.
maybe i could staple some sort of squishy mat to the inside of his igloo so he wont eat/rip it out and throw it everywhere... but by the looks of what used to be (and if i hadn't bought these myself i would not believe/know what they were now because of the tiny scraps that are left)
-an entire blue dodgeball (i actually have no idea where the pieces are for this one... hopefully not in his insides)
-40 bones
- a purple monkey
-a hunting stuffed duck
-a neon green frog with the eyeballs eaten
AND
-a squeeky raccoon
i think it's false hope.
NONE of these above toys are intact in even a similar shape to their origin. NONE. that and there's a pile of fluff in the side yard from their insides that i suspect dash is slowly eating.
why does it feel like Wednesday?
did i finally just spell wednesday correctly for the first time in my life?
did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little?
mine was katie the raccoon.
she held a little pine cone in between her paws and it drove me nuts so i cut it out but then she kinda looked like zombie raccoon for the rest of her life with her two arms straight out in front of her.
she was my first big purchase in Yosemite park one summer for three whole dollars.
and to a little girl that's a big deal.
May 8, 2011
you're the inspiration
i know i waited until the last possible second to write something for mother's day, but in my defense i've been really deep in thought all day about moms and what makes you a mom and stuff.
deep huh, "stuff"
but truly, if i'm not allowed to drive in the carpool lane when i have a fully (almost, next week is when everything is done cookin) developed child living inside my body, am i a mother?
the answer to this question is yes. even though all day i've been fighting it because i don't feel like i've "earned the right" or lived it yet, yes. i know i've said it before but this time i mean it because i understand it- if you are a woman, you are a mother.
there are countless women in my life who have taught and led and guided and helped me over and over again- and i'd have to say even though they aren't my physical mother- that spiritually i think we all have this special nurturing gift as women.
it's there when your roommate drives you to the hospital, it's there when your young women's leader shares a past mistake she made with you, it's there every time we touch another woman's life.
and ultimately, your own mother is a culmination of those events- and hopefully (if you are as lucky as i am) your mother is just the one woman who gets you and loves you down to your bones. in between your not so perfect, especially there, and on top of it all still sees you coming out as a queen.
most importantly, everything i've learned began with my mom, and ends there too.
(she's there for my aha moments.) (and the woman taught me how to speak!) (probably something she regretted in my early teen years)
my mom has taught me (and teaches me) to love the unloved, to love myself, to value traditions and spirit. she taught me to work hard, and to be better than i am right now at this moment and that if i fail i have every chance to make it and it's never too late to try.
she taught me to see others, to put myself in people's shoes and to always be understanding, she taught me not to complain (even though i break this one a lot...) she taught me that life is hard. that my life isn't that hard! and that life IS worthwhile.
she taught me how to love my family. and she taught me why. which is really important, because without them i'm pretty much not a big deal.
at all.
she taught me to sing.
by bringing music into the home constantly, by humming and whistling and bursting into song.
she taught me to be spontaneous.
she loves me even though i'm a weird, totally unique, sometimes hard to understand person.
she gives me hope.
and she is why, more than anything i am excited to be a mom myself.
she's kind, and clever, and artistic (even though she would never admit it) she creates beauty where she goes, and she is BEAUTIFUL (when will she get old?), she's nonjudgmental, and sensible, and she doesn't always take my side, she's never afraid to tell me i'm being dumb when i am!
which i appreciate.
and i love her.
forever
i like her for always.
i can't wait for her to be grace's grandma.
in an equally long post sometime i'd like to write about my mother in law- seriously people, i scored in the mom area in my life. right now i am falling asleep and i keep crying all day. so it's time for bed.
am i turning into an infant?
sheesh.
well, happy mother's day to all you women everywhere.
deep huh, "stuff"
but truly, if i'm not allowed to drive in the carpool lane when i have a fully (almost, next week is when everything is done cookin) developed child living inside my body, am i a mother?
the answer to this question is yes. even though all day i've been fighting it because i don't feel like i've "earned the right" or lived it yet, yes. i know i've said it before but this time i mean it because i understand it- if you are a woman, you are a mother.
there are countless women in my life who have taught and led and guided and helped me over and over again- and i'd have to say even though they aren't my physical mother- that spiritually i think we all have this special nurturing gift as women.
it's there when your roommate drives you to the hospital, it's there when your young women's leader shares a past mistake she made with you, it's there every time we touch another woman's life.
and ultimately, your own mother is a culmination of those events- and hopefully (if you are as lucky as i am) your mother is just the one woman who gets you and loves you down to your bones. in between your not so perfect, especially there, and on top of it all still sees you coming out as a queen.
most importantly, everything i've learned began with my mom, and ends there too.
(she's there for my aha moments.) (and the woman taught me how to speak!) (probably something she regretted in my early teen years)
my mom has taught me (and teaches me) to love the unloved, to love myself, to value traditions and spirit. she taught me to work hard, and to be better than i am right now at this moment and that if i fail i have every chance to make it and it's never too late to try.
she taught me to see others, to put myself in people's shoes and to always be understanding, she taught me not to complain (even though i break this one a lot...) she taught me that life is hard. that my life isn't that hard! and that life IS worthwhile.
she taught me how to love my family. and she taught me why. which is really important, because without them i'm pretty much not a big deal.
at all.
she taught me to sing.
by bringing music into the home constantly, by humming and whistling and bursting into song.
she taught me to be spontaneous.
she loves me even though i'm a weird, totally unique, sometimes hard to understand person.
she gives me hope.
and she is why, more than anything i am excited to be a mom myself.
she's kind, and clever, and artistic (even though she would never admit it) she creates beauty where she goes, and she is BEAUTIFUL (when will she get old?), she's nonjudgmental, and sensible, and she doesn't always take my side, she's never afraid to tell me i'm being dumb when i am!
which i appreciate.
and i love her.
forever
i like her for always.
i can't wait for her to be grace's grandma.
in an equally long post sometime i'd like to write about my mother in law- seriously people, i scored in the mom area in my life. right now i am falling asleep and i keep crying all day. so it's time for bed.
am i turning into an infant?
sheesh.
well, happy mother's day to all you women everywhere.
May 6, 2011
the pain free patoot
today is going to be sunny AGAIN?!
i feel like i've won the national lottery!!!!
also today i am picking up peanut's pram.
this is what it looks like
i know i know, it's blue. but still! i am in love with it and the price was easy to love too, compared to all the stokke billion trillion dollar strollers i've been seeing everywhere. honestly, over 1,000 dollars for a stroller?
what happened to the good old umbrella strollers that our moms used to push us around at the farmer's market in? what happened to those wonderful plastic buckles that never really worked and pinched your little hands when you tried to escape?
was that just me?
guess not
im sorry, i'd rather buy a new computer, or HEY a newish CAR than that stroller.
something really sweet like a minivan.
the other day i saw one with a license plate that said NEVERSAYN
and i had to laugh because when brandon proposed to me he talked about how he probably wouldn't be able to give me nice things but that we would drive an old purple minivan, and eat spaghetti dinners, and dance in the kitchen.
and even though whenever i bring up minivans, i see the color drain from his face and then he says "fine, but i'm never driving it, you might as well take my man card away right now..."
i know that it's just around the corner...
or at least i'm hoping to find a hipper alternative that fits our idea of a family without being squishy or hideous or having to pull back seats because that is a PAIN in the patoot.
hope your patoot is pain free.
in a small addition: pork loin, some day i will be the queen of cooking you, i will sear you deliciously and then bake you to a perfection- quake in your pan!
until then, i'll be mildly horrified by my baking skills and always question your "done-ness" even when the meat thermometer tells me you are ready. pork and chicken being not done are two of my worst food nightmares. do you have food frights?
i feel like i've won the national lottery!!!!
also today i am picking up peanut's pram.
this is what it looks like
i know i know, it's blue. but still! i am in love with it and the price was easy to love too, compared to all the stokke billion trillion dollar strollers i've been seeing everywhere. honestly, over 1,000 dollars for a stroller?
what happened to the good old umbrella strollers that our moms used to push us around at the farmer's market in? what happened to those wonderful plastic buckles that never really worked and pinched your little hands when you tried to escape?
was that just me?
guess not
im sorry, i'd rather buy a new computer, or HEY a newish CAR than that stroller.
something really sweet like a minivan.
the other day i saw one with a license plate that said NEVERSAYN
and i had to laugh because when brandon proposed to me he talked about how he probably wouldn't be able to give me nice things but that we would drive an old purple minivan, and eat spaghetti dinners, and dance in the kitchen.
and even though whenever i bring up minivans, i see the color drain from his face and then he says "fine, but i'm never driving it, you might as well take my man card away right now..."
i know that it's just around the corner...
or at least i'm hoping to find a hipper alternative that fits our idea of a family without being squishy or hideous or having to pull back seats because that is a PAIN in the patoot.
hope your patoot is pain free.
in a small addition: pork loin, some day i will be the queen of cooking you, i will sear you deliciously and then bake you to a perfection- quake in your pan!
until then, i'll be mildly horrified by my baking skills and always question your "done-ness" even when the meat thermometer tells me you are ready. pork and chicken being not done are two of my worst food nightmares. do you have food frights?
May 5, 2011
commentary on commandeering commanchees.
mowing a lawn is a little like vacuuming grass.
i like mowing the lawn, but a nice neighbor boy does it for us.
i wonder how much chicken poop he gets in his lawnmower mowing our lawn...
tough noogies.
the tree above our mailbox is saturated with bees, if you are a bee that is the place to be.
today i was singing
and peanut started moving
and so i stopped singing
and she stopped moving
so i started singing again
and she started moving again
i did this for an hour because i couldn't believe she was responding to just me!
and then i curled up on the couch and talked to her for another hour.
i'm turning into a huge sap.
but it was so totally incomprehensibly awesomely miraculous that i had to share it.
then i read another novel.
another one bites the dust in a day.
i need to stop that. and do laundry.
or read something totally mind blowing like a classic or a contemporary lit book from brandon's ever growing school pile.
those books take so so so much longer for me to read because sometimes i think they aren't written in english.
but then i can make sure they are by comparing them to my botany books.
also if i ever could recommend a water bottle that you will love your whole life long and carry around with you forever it would be this one: go to your nearest target and buy one. or three.
OR A BILLION!
i have the bright orange one and it's changed my life. liquidly speaking.
it also perches perfectly on my pregnant belly and reaches my mouth at just the right height.
this is important.
two years ago when my sister first purchased a lime green one from good earth and raved for weeks about it i didn't listen because i thought it was just an extreme granola bpa free thing- but it's not.
my relationship with this water bottle is dye hard through and through blood love.
okay my thursday rant is now complete. enjoy your bees and sunshine!
i like mowing the lawn, but a nice neighbor boy does it for us.
i wonder how much chicken poop he gets in his lawnmower mowing our lawn...
tough noogies.
the tree above our mailbox is saturated with bees, if you are a bee that is the place to be.
today i was singing
and peanut started moving
and so i stopped singing
and she stopped moving
so i started singing again
and she started moving again
i did this for an hour because i couldn't believe she was responding to just me!
and then i curled up on the couch and talked to her for another hour.
i'm turning into a huge sap.
but it was so totally incomprehensibly awesomely miraculous that i had to share it.
then i read another novel.
another one bites the dust in a day.
i need to stop that. and do laundry.
or read something totally mind blowing like a classic or a contemporary lit book from brandon's ever growing school pile.
those books take so so so much longer for me to read because sometimes i think they aren't written in english.
but then i can make sure they are by comparing them to my botany books.
also if i ever could recommend a water bottle that you will love your whole life long and carry around with you forever it would be this one: go to your nearest target and buy one. or three.
OR A BILLION!
i have the bright orange one and it's changed my life. liquidly speaking.
it also perches perfectly on my pregnant belly and reaches my mouth at just the right height.
this is important.
two years ago when my sister first purchased a lime green one from good earth and raved for weeks about it i didn't listen because i thought it was just an extreme granola bpa free thing- but it's not.
my relationship with this water bottle is dye hard through and through blood love.
okay my thursday rant is now complete. enjoy your bees and sunshine!
May 4, 2011
reading sunshine
yay! the sun is here to stay (i think).
it is currently blinding me but i dont care because it's SUNSHINE.
tomorrow the weather is supposed to get into the 70's, in honor of this happiness i've declared tomorrow to be 70's music day. maybe i should always time my music periods by the weather... i'd be much happier in the wintertime. but what would i do if it fell below zero?
i started sarah addison's the peach keeper last night and finished it this morning- i probably need to slow down on the book-age. it doesn't make for a good night's sleep because i want to know what's happening in the book! i don't want to sleep! and i need to remind myself to get all the sleep i can while the getting is good and baby-less.
not that i can't absolutely wait to be baby-full.
which is apparent to anyone who reads my blog.
i'm sorry if you all are terribly sick of my babyisms.
BUT IT'S MAGIC to me.
brandon is getting more and more excited each day for grace- which makes me really happy. he puts his head on my belly and talks to her and she kicks and kicks and kicks.
if she kicked any harder his head would be bouncing up and down on my stomach.
and when he sings to her, we both kick.
it is currently blinding me but i dont care because it's SUNSHINE.
tomorrow the weather is supposed to get into the 70's, in honor of this happiness i've declared tomorrow to be 70's music day. maybe i should always time my music periods by the weather... i'd be much happier in the wintertime. but what would i do if it fell below zero?
i started sarah addison's the peach keeper last night and finished it this morning- i probably need to slow down on the book-age. it doesn't make for a good night's sleep because i want to know what's happening in the book! i don't want to sleep! and i need to remind myself to get all the sleep i can while the getting is good and baby-less.
not that i can't absolutely wait to be baby-full.
which is apparent to anyone who reads my blog.
i'm sorry if you all are terribly sick of my babyisms.
BUT IT'S MAGIC to me.
brandon is getting more and more excited each day for grace- which makes me really happy. he puts his head on my belly and talks to her and she kicks and kicks and kicks.
if she kicked any harder his head would be bouncing up and down on my stomach.
and when he sings to her, we both kick.
May 3, 2011
i had chicken nuggets while i thought about chickens.
maybe i should just start a chicken blog.
because i watch these chickens way too much.
maybe i'm so fascinated by them because they hate to be alone.
and i wonder, that if a bird with almost no brain can be pecking in the grass and look up and around, wondering where all the others have gone and freeze because they are frightened- what that means for human beings who have developed intricate brains- and how we feel when we are alone.
what basic instincts exist in us all?
and are they in a chicken?
i'm not sure, but i feel more and more certain as i watch the one who was left behind take off at a full run to be with the others, and even more as i watch kramer who is typically alone- the strangest one of them all and the last in the pecking order, get stuck in a crack.
what unseen pecking order am i in?
because i watch these chickens way too much.
maybe i'm so fascinated by them because they hate to be alone.
and i wonder, that if a bird with almost no brain can be pecking in the grass and look up and around, wondering where all the others have gone and freeze because they are frightened- what that means for human beings who have developed intricate brains- and how we feel when we are alone.
what basic instincts exist in us all?
and are they in a chicken?
i'm not sure, but i feel more and more certain as i watch the one who was left behind take off at a full run to be with the others, and even more as i watch kramer who is typically alone- the strangest one of them all and the last in the pecking order, get stuck in a crack.
what unseen pecking order am i in?
May 2, 2011
chicken cheese balls
i'm looking out of the window and the chickens are all by the swingset.
kramer is laying in the grass and diaper butt is laying spread out next to her with her head on kramer like a pillow.
ten minutes before i looked out the window and kramer had jumped up on the tire swing, and was stuck there momentarily- trying to understand where she was exactly. swinging between certainty and adventure.
my favorite is when they chase the birds out of the yard, the sparrows and spring robins. they waddle-run, heads dodging, feathers flying- as fast as they can, their run screams "MY WORMS!"
brandon is next to me on the couch, his hands are orange from the cheeseballs. crusty fingers, delicious.
the container is more than half empty.
the wasps fly, uninterupted from wood to wood outside harvesting for their new nest, wherever that is...
kramer is laying in the grass and diaper butt is laying spread out next to her with her head on kramer like a pillow.
ten minutes before i looked out the window and kramer had jumped up on the tire swing, and was stuck there momentarily- trying to understand where she was exactly. swinging between certainty and adventure.
my favorite is when they chase the birds out of the yard, the sparrows and spring robins. they waddle-run, heads dodging, feathers flying- as fast as they can, their run screams "MY WORMS!"
brandon is next to me on the couch, his hands are orange from the cheeseballs. crusty fingers, delicious.
the container is more than half empty.
the wasps fly, uninterupted from wood to wood outside harvesting for their new nest, wherever that is...
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