if i didnt have my mom here with me i would be dead right now.
normally, if i don't get 12 hours of sleep i turn into a zombie that kills everybody, but i have her helping me with grace at night so it's not bad at all! she even slept for 2 and a half hours straight in between one feeding.
guys, im really ready to bottle feed. i know breast is best- and i'm trying really hard but grace just doesnt have a huge appetite and im starting to look like dolly parton but not in the cute dolly way.
my chest feels like its filled with rocks. so today i started pumping to relieve the pressure and i'm wondering if its time to feed grace out of bottles... she's having trouble latching.
also, she's gottten really good at scratching herself so we keep socks on her hands like a little boxer.
it seems ironic that when the baby sleeps all i want to do is stay awake and look at her.
having a baby is like having your own heart and soul outside of your body- breathing and snorting and crying and smiling sometimes.
it's own entity.
and you wonder why you spent so many years trying to define yourself, or your personality or your mind when all along it was right there just living on it's own.
does that make any sense?
i need some sleep but
in between ravenous hunger
sort of failed breastfeeding sessions
staring lovingly at this small person for hours
and taking medicine
i'm all out of time!

3 comments:
341-5047 this is the number for Janet, she is with the La Leche League and she helped me a ton when Henry had a hard time latching. She was amazing, came right to my house and was so helpful. I also have the number for Kathy she's another really helpful lactation lady. Hope little peanut latches better and that you get to enjoy the benefits of burning 500 cals a day and more! Thats great your pumping I did the same thing but just gave it to women who couldn't nurse, I didn't want to confuse Henry more by giving him a bottle, but that said every baby is different. Your body just isn't sure yet how much to make for this little babe so its common for it to make too much. I would pump a little, an ouce or two and then have Henry nurse then he's getting the hind milk with is rich in fat and vitamins for babies digestive tract and immune system.
I way overproduced milk at first with Calvin....he had a hard time nursing with the high pressure milk cannons, so I'd let him suck until the milk turned on, then let it spray into a towel (while he screamed in frustration) until the spray calmed down, then let him nurse. It helped both of us a lot. OH I JUST REMEMBERED a book....The Nursing Mothers' Companion by Kathleen Higgins helped me a ton. It answered all the things I struggled with when I had Preston. I wish I had read it sooner....didn't get it until just before Calvin was born. If I can find it, would you like to borrow it for awhile? I can totally relate to bad breastfeeding problems. With Preston, you name it, I had problems with it. I promise it gets better. Let me know if I can bring you that book. If you don't feel up to reading it, maybe your mom could thumb through it and tell you the info.
Don't give up!!!!! My LO had a TERRIBLE time latching and I couldn't get her to eat for very long, and it really hurt cause she wouldn't latch correctly. I wanted to give up so many times and for some reason I stuck it out, and after a few weeks (which seems like an eternity now) it got better, and then even better, then I actually ENJOYED nursing! I promise it will get better! I know how hard it is, please message me if you need any moral support :) and have you tried doing the football hold? That helped me soooo much with helping my LO latch.
Post a Comment