happyness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrjcMJdEZIQ

all water is classic water

edit: David Berman and his words heal so. and the sun still shines. hello beautiful.




also: funny how plans for a campfire and four wheeling can change the day. I am such a silly girl.

also also: I don't care about what he thinks. So there.
also to the third power: I didn't sleep last night and wrote something I might actually give to him now.
also.
All the hims are different here.

fin.


also, most everything I have said contradicts itself.

that and every time I try to call you I lose

service.

dreams it seems are sewn in at the seams of a summer

This past weekend was memorable, to say the least. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I did a lot of contemplating as well as reminiscing. Sometimes it's really difficult to juxtapose your everyday life with what "used to be" or even what only ever existed under some kind of illusion. The fact is, the everyday life just doesn't add up to the other, no matter how wonderful it is. I realize that's not fair. I don't think it's healthy for me to be around those who either glorify one aspect of my personality, or live in world where I am made up of memories. This is not to say that I don't enjoy it. I love it, even. It's just not functional, and it's not realistic. Specifically, it's not fair to him, who gets to deal with all my inconsistencies, my weaknesses, and my often frustrating behavior-- all on a daily basis.

I cannot simultaneously live in a dream world while expecting to be satisfied with reality.
"It's simple. Tell them to laugh at everything. Tell them that a sense of humor is an unlimited virtue. Don't let anything remain sacred in a man's soul- and his soul won't be sacred to him. Kill reverence and you've killed the hero in man...Here's another way. Don't allow men to be happy. Happiness is self-contained and self-sufficient. Happy men have no time and no use for you. Happy men are free men."

- The Fountainhead (telling you who said it would give too much away)

When all is said and done, I am happy (or at least making the efforts on learning to be). I wake up every morning with the full expectation of it being a good day (I'm still tired and don't want to get out of bed, but that's normal). I have a feeling that it is because I am so busy, that everyday is harder than the last. Funny how that enhances the pleasure of staring at the sky, of walking down streets strewn with leaves.

im so adjective i verb nouns

So this is what it's like. again.



Here's what I will never understand: calling someone a murderer, or a terrorist- based on the color of their skin. Especially if it is right to his face. Let's think about this. If I were a murderer, you should have the sincere fear of me killing you, or seriously injuring you. You're not about to call that kind of person any names. Therefore, you am unconsciously admitting that you don't actually believe someone is a murderer or terrorist when you call them that--- you're too much of a coward for that. Instead, you stick to stereotypes and safely accuse innocent people of being something you know they are not.


How's that for long-winded... but I hope I'm being clear. Stop the ignorance. Or at least stop pretending to be ignorant.

atomic war means no traffic in the mornings

I watched a commercial with Brooke Shields today and how she uses colgate total. The commercial ended with her stating formally to the camera that "for me, there is only colgate."

What happens if she runs out of colgate,
does she have a never ending supply of it?


What if she buys crest?


I need an update on this.


that and I have allergies. or something else. been a drill?
who knew that the dogs would have their days,
I've seen better. speaking of bettering, I should better get to sleeping
so that I can be alive ish tomorrow.

Thanks.




Everyone should say more of what they mean

instead of what they want



and less of everything else.

EDIT: Additional note- I've noticed caring about people complicates your life. Oh well, bring it on.


Pee eeSs
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters-one represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy quotes (American 35th US President (1961-63), 1917-1963)


Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for.
Ray Bradbury

How It Ends

Its been a while. Its been longer than a while. The date glares back at me and so I look outside. I realized something this week, I've been looking for the wrong thing for so long. I keep expecting so much more from people than they could ever want to give. I was in a place where I put so much imaginative affinity into a relationship that I forgot that I was in a relationship at all. And now, I don't need to be in any of them. Because I was never there to begin with. Michele I love you and I am as lost as you are. For you, whoever you are and wherever you are in your life- there is love for you, and it is closer than you think.

my fights and struggles seem like slopes to me now. I hear songs that tell me about my life

they communicate clearly what I cannot write.

so this is for you as much as it is for me.

" Hold your grandmother's bible to your breast

gonna put it to the test you wanted it to be blest.

and in your heart you know it to be true- you know what you've got to do, they all depend on you.

and you already know yeah you already know

how this will end.

There is no escape from the slave catcher's songs

for all of the loved ones gone

forever is not so long.

and in your soul they poked a million holes

but you never let them show

come on it's time to go

and you already know

yeah you already know

how this will end. now you've seen this face

and you know that there's a place

in the sun for all that you've done

for you and your children

no longer shall you need

you always wanted to believe

just ask and

you'll recieve.

beyond your wildest dreams

and you

already know

yeah you already know

how

this

will

end."

Devotchka

How It Ends

you guessed it

Being sick humbles me. I feel rather helpless and vulnerable when I'm not well. It's funny how all my independent thoughts and desires are vaporized at the mere onset of symptoms. I need a caretaker immediately, preferably my mom. Maybe illness is, in fact, the great equalizer. It brings us together, in a manner of speaking. When you are sick you need a doctor, or medicine, or maybe just someone to bring you a cup of soup and some chamomile tea. Regardless of the form of your need, someone else ultimately comes into play. Interesting. Another thing I noticed about being sick is the intrinsic connection between your mind and body. I had the flu, so my entire body ached, I felt weak, and my head had a hard time catching up with any physical movement. As this was happening, my mood became attenuated, my thoughts quiet. As much as we in the West try to compartmentalize life, we have to accept that it's all connected. We are all connected.



She eats nectarines with honey and spends her daddy's money so easy
She cuts cherry pie while she looks you in the eye so easy
The innocent naivety of hairless cheek
The politics of generosity make me weak

You put it on me then left me lonely
You put it on me, you put it on me

There's an assassin out to get me and they claim that she's never missed
The one with an ex-lover whom she claims to have never kissed
We turned at twenty paces for love as a duel and we stood as still as stone
I can't imagine that this is in the best interest of flesh and bone