the world needs more girls!

baby peanut is a baby girl! i love her so much!!!!!!


does anyone else feel like commercialized santa looks creepy? he's always laughing or looking to the side sneekily and it scares me.

lachelle says to think about it next year when im not pregnant/

:]

theres a lady on 60 minutes who lives with elephants.

i want togo to there.

Baby gender... do not open until christmas!

Today we were lucky enough (THANK YOU FARAH AND LIZ) to have an ultrasound and find out the baby's gender. Peanut was being SO DIFFICULT, holy moley- it didn't want to face the ultrasound and the only things it wanted to move were it's hands and feet so it took a while to get it but we are 90% sure of it's little person and liz got us some cute pictures that wont give peanut away!


so here you hungry peanut lovers go.



peanut is a thumb sucker! already... do you see the two hands by it's face?






this is peanut's beautiful spine! It was completely turned away a few times, it is a modest baby. weird huh? It likes to curl up and cross it's legs and it even waved at us. It was SO COOL. I can't believe it is opening and shutting it's hands already and wiggling it's little feet....


so much love
baby will be EXPOSED for christmas!
!!!!

wanna hear my CRAZY dreams?

so, i had these two dreams last night, and pregnancy makes your dreams... SO VIVID and real and sometimes (as in this case) scary. so here they are.

in the first dream, i am in what appears to be a mental hospital. i'm surrounded by my family and they make me feel like i'm alright. but brandon is missing. so i call him on my awesome hospital phone and he doesn't answer. We end up playing phone tag for most of the dream and his caller ID is flatchestedwife. I'm serious. So I'm getting the vibe from these messages from him that we're over, and that he's stuck me in this hospital. I go outside to the baseball field (we have a baseball field?) (apparently this hospital isn't super strict) and there are three fields, one has a bunch of reject mental patients sitting around looking gothic, and one has a bunch of parents and children. A bus comes and takes all the children away and a gothic kid comes to the bleachers where i am sitting with red and blue paint over his eyes making police car sirens. the police wont come near this place because IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD, they are loading up the children to take them somewhere safe, and i run as fast as my legs can carry me back to the mental ward where my family was to find they are all gone too and I've been left in an abandoned psych house. I think I am totally alone when I hear a baby, so I start wandering the hallways to find this crying baby and I walk into a room where there are mothers delivering their babies. The doctors who are there are letting the mothers die after they give birth and taking the babies and getting on the very last bus. I wake up.

Dream two
I am returning to my house after going to a wedding where the bride is obviously bisexual or lesbian and is being forced to marry a man. I am a part of the wedding party. I enter my garage code and go into the backyard, where suddenly I'm in rexburg, I've left our dog Dash tied up to a post and he is STARVING TO DEATH BECAUSE I FORGOT TO BRING HIM WITH ME to our new house! He has shrunk into the size of a baby puppy in big skin and he is out of his mind with hunger. He doesn't even recognize me. I am a terrible pet owner. My phone rings and I wake up.

My interpretation of the first dream:
My worst absolute worst fear in the whole world, is that the people I love the most will reject me and think I am crazy. This probably stems from years and years and years of people jokingly saying "jackie, (which i hate) you're CRAZY! (which i hate)" It's nice to be funny and weird and quirky (which i am) but when someone calls you crazy, what they are really saying is "i dont get you, i dont want to get you, and you make no sense, but thanks for making me laugh"

(think about someone you've called crazy and the moment where you did call them crazy. which we all have done myself included.) (is this all just a pessimistic skewed vision of what that phrase really means?) (i'm just saying what it means to me.)

even my family used to say it but i told my mom it really really really really bothers me and since then i dont think i've heard anyone say it. It's sort of ironic because people i love (people who i think know me pretty well) casually calling me crazy is what actually led to me having a nervous breakdown because i really thought i was going crazy. because if everyone around you is telling you you are crazy, and you can only tell yourself you are not crazy for so long before you start to think that maybe you are crazy and proof of it is that you have continued for so long to fight the fact that everyone else recognizes which is: that you are crazy.

i'm not saying everytime i hear someone say that that i get really offended or hurt, i'm actually used to it by now. but i AM saying that eventually this phrase has had a deep impact on me, and in retrospect i hate it, and it's troubling to me. When you say this to someone, you are saying "I'll never understand you and I don't even want to try. ha ha."

it's like if you started to notice everyone in your life jokingly saying "you're funny looking" i mean, that stuff would start to smart after about the 50th person.

"you're crazy"="your personality is funny looking"


okay
now that you know i dont appreciate the crazy.

the deepest part of that dream is brandon.
because brandons the only person i know in the whole world who is close to me who has never NEVER called me crazy. So i feel safe there to just be myself and not put on any entertaining airs, or overact because i'm really nervous and anxious for people to like me.

and then the baby part at the end, is just me being worried about being a mom.

next dream

i'm worried that i'm a bad pet owner.

fin.

frenzy friends

Today was so productive I don't even have time to blog about it. Okay maybe i doooo


I found out so much about pregnancy that you never want to know until you are pregnant and I wish I could be the world's guru on pregnant taboos that nobody talks about that they SHOULD because it's scary being in this 9 month training to be the best mom ever thing that you always feel inadequate and people should tell you stuff. Seriously.

Like, don't write a book about how sleeping on my back will kill my child because it cuts off the major blood flow of your lower body back to your heart and to your uterus, because I will be awake all hours of the night trying to train my previously content side sleeping body away from what it now cannot have!

Instead, just say, hey if your body tells you to sleep on your back you're probably alreighttttt. If baby starts kicking you probably need to move a little. Also, you CAN sleep on your stomach, if you can. And I DO. so there, dr.oz. so there.

Don't tell me not to eat cheeses, i mean, i should be careful about unpasteurized foods but GREEKS HAVE BEEN GIVING BIRTH FOR CENTURIES EATING FETA and i can't just give that up! It's the only way to eat anything greenish!

Someone wiser than me once told me "make it feta, make it betta."- rebekah tayebi.
And I live my life by that.

Peanut, I don't love you less, but I GOTTA EAT SOMETHING SO YOU DONT LOOK LIKE A SQUASHED STARVED THING WHEN YOU COME INTO THIS WORLD. i just gotta. and I'm not taking prenatals because i barf them up. so, where are the nutrients coming from?


Okay enough prego rants.
Seriously I'm obsessed with this baby.

If it wasn't obvious before, I now fully admit it to everyone in the world (the three people who read this).

Today I got bouku done (how do you even spell that word?)bookoo? bew kew.

People are in the backyard in the dark cold snow helping me with THE CHRISTMAS SURPRISE OF THE CENTURY which I WILL not mention OR divulge or RUIN. Because THAT'S how awesome it is and when I see the look on this person's face christmas day it will be the best present I ever gave myself.

For reals.

I also completed my other special project which I wish dearly I could share because it's so tender I really hope it turns out well because my drawing skills are really really really rusty.

I began PEANUT'S room today, i steamed off all the wallpaper (who invented wallpaper? it's a terrible terrible thing! I mean, invent some that just comes off... easier) and i got paint samples his/her room is going to be a really pale aqua grey color and my mom is making the most INCREDIBLE grandmother's garden english paper pieced retro fabric gorgeousness (look at this small part of it) (isn't it beautiful?!? i'll be the envy of all fabric junkies)



and after my mom hand quilts it (insane) I'm going to hang it up behind our cribbbbb which i love lookit!



so picture peanut, smiling and waving (okay maybe sleeping and cooing, dreaming and drooling in the cutest fashion) from the crib with that quilt behind him/her and the aqua-grey walls

cool huh?

okay, i'm officially exhausted because last night kayla kept me awake from 11pm to 5 am crying whining and howling. poor thing.

oh oh OH and i finally got a temple dress that i can breathe in so now I can go to the temple breathing (miracles.) and maternity g units which are 876546789p better.yeah i added the p in there.

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
j and bump

can i have sauce with that?

dear byuidaho,
i hate your stinking guts to the max plus forever.

merry christmas you rotten filthy terrible technology glitched
life ruining system where nobody knows anything,
i swear before heaven that if you charge me for a full semester in which i did not attend
i will burn you to the ground.

just kidding, about the merry christmas.

j

before and after!

so, my mominlaw elaine and i have been revamping the house and one thing that had to either go- or be fixed were these awful chairs...


so, i got to go pick out fabric...

isnt it lovely?!? minus the nail on the seat

so after two days of wrestling with a staple gun that didn't/wouldn't work we went and got an electric one that the people in the STORE couldn't work. but i did. the fabric is so lucious i cant even give it credit by describing but if i could i would say it is this crushed velvety cream black and champagne-grey anenome flower pattern that i could sit and feel all day.


and THIS is the finished product.

for reals.

why brandon is the absolute best bar none in the whole universe and every day the universe confirms he is the man i need for the rest of forever:


"every time you throw a shoe at me is one more time i'm gonna get you pregnant, best get rid of all your shoes...
whenever you're upset with me i'll just put a shoe in your hand"



dear brandon, i love you. dear universe/hf, thank you.

Ma mere

Anyone who has met my mother will agree that she is one incredible lady. If you haven't met her, I'm going to give you a small glimpse of her beautiful heart that I see everyday. My mom has never been flashy, or trendy, or the opposite of any of those. My mom is naturally just beautiful, she has long blond hair and piercing dark blue eyes. She was never pushy, or stubborn in raising us, but encouraged serving other people, because she knew that joy it brought to her, and she lived that way.

Every morning she woke me up for seminary and made me breakfast and read scriptures with us and made us lunch, and every day- even though for a long time i begged her not to because it was embarrassing, she would write a note on a napkin and put it in my bag. For most of middle school the notes said the same things, i threw away many of those notes without glancing back, but sometimes- in my loneliest lunches, I would pull out a napkin that changed me, made me smile, hold my head higher, and be better that day. Those small white squares became really important to me.

My life near her has been this way, her example and in her words to me each day I sometimes find another small white napkin that I can tuck away in my memory that changes me. She was never forceful or unkind in trying to teach me how to live and be a good human being. That doesn't mean I've always been the person she taught me to be. But she never loved me less.

She showed me how to love others and how to love myself. As I've grown, I've seen the sacrifices she's made for me, for strangers, I've watched her laugh lines deepen, I've seen the hard work her hands have done small and big. She amazes me. It's hard not to want to be that person quickly, to skip the hard parts, the poor parts, but those are the ones that built the mom I love and know. I accept that if I want to be any portion of the woman she is, that I will travel these paths somehow.

This is my mom's favorite church song, I think it is almost as beautiful as she is. It makes me cry when I hear it, she says she wants it sung at her funeral. The napkin analogy works well with this song too, supplying my need, lifting me up, leading me in grace,still my table spread,sure provisions. She always took care of my needs, never neglecting my spiritual needs, and reminding me of her honest love as my mother. When I think of her not being here it is almost unbearable, which is one of the reasons why the song makes me weep. But at the same time, she'll always be here with me small and simple, true and strong, necessary, those white cotton napkins, urging me on.

My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy's sake,
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death,
Thy presence is my stay;
A word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.

The sure provisions of my God
Attend my all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise!
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

"WHEN I SAW YOU I FELL IN LOVE, AND YOU SMILED BECAUSE YOU KNEW."

-William Shakespeare

leanimal

im not going to lie. this two posts per day thing is going to stop but before it does i have to tell all you bacholororeettes who need a wedding dress for that someday or maybe NOT maybe you need a weddingdress that just looks bangin and you can wear it whenever because this designer is THAT amazing, she can make a formal dress look like runway casual... maybe. anyways, she is having a sale and she is fantastic and you should look at her stuff because... because i said so. she was on project runway and i'm obsessed with all of her work- she does the best draping i've ever seen.


my absolute favorite dress is second to the bottom.
isn't her work a feast for the eyeballs?!?

in the leafy tree tops

baby bump photo! week 14-15 ish

we hopefully find out the gender on the 17th, which is coming so soon! i can't wait for this baby to get here already.

boy, i'm the model in patience right?

brandon had a dream that the baby was a boy, so now we are conflicting dreams. people ask me what i'll be happy with and i tell them anything! i'm just so happy to have a baby that moves and kicks and that i can love with my whole heart what a precious gift, and i don't care what gender it is and brandon doesn't either (although secretly i think he would be so proud if it was a boy) (that's just my guess though) (when i ask him he says he really doesn't care!)

i'm in utah and brandon is back in rexburg finishing up finals and loading the remainder of our stuff. poor fellow. it's weird to be apart from him after afghanistan, it makes me remember what it was like when he was gone and i miss him terribly! i didn't think i would miss him so much! pregnancy hormones are crazy! in the meantime i'm swimming through school petition forms and tailoring my resume for each business i send it to.

i'm excited to do the baby's room and set up the crib (if i could get the 100+ lbs box up the stairs i would start nesting asap!) and put all our pretty things in the house but that will have to weight (ha. ha) wait until brandon gets here. although with his splinted hand he'll be a little more helpful than i am lifting and moving. !

i can't even tell you how excited i am for christmas! we are going to find a big tree to put up (i'v ealways always always wanted a big christmas tree!) and i get to decorate it and everything! i've been practicing my ribbon twirling skillz on the small tree in the front room...

we need to finish putting lights up on the outside of the house too, but we need a bigger ladder first (watching brandon dangling himself from the roof was a relationship builder for sure...)


we have big dreams, and i have a big belly and a big long list of gratitude for life!

c'est la vie! (for now)

ps i have an appetite back! it's a christmas miracle!

wow.

HOLY CRAP

i want everything!
and yes i stole this from candace's blog because she's fabulous too.
and i dont stalk her! i just love her.

which is legal.

Nicknames you have; why do you have them

i'm skipping to this one because i like it.

nicknames

Jfran- all my guys in highschool

JJ-my grandparents

French fry- my dad

Jack- my mom/kirst/emmagrace

Jay/Jaybird- Krista


June- chrishrope

Francy pants-sam

Junelle-my uncles (some)

Jackie- my family when they want something from me/ people who don't know (because those who do, know i hate being called jackie) me or were introduced to me as jackie, which i wish, wish wish weren't.


jackqwa- im not sure where this one came from, i think it's a mutt from a long list of names my dad has placed on me...

i know i have more but i can't think of them.

why everything should be bacon.

i'm taking a break from packing.

i've only packed one box.

good thing we have three weeks to move!

:]

procrastination is charming isn't it?

on an unhappy note
byuidaho, i hate you, i can't wait to leave you and go to a college where the website works and they don't let you drop all your classes and then try to charge you full tuition anyways for them because it "appears" on their screen that you have not indeed, dropped ONE class that you dropped over two months ago.

seriously?

seriously.

start the academic petitions...
please pray for me.

i am not paying 1700 dollars for a semester where i didn't even go to class because i was puking my guts out.
that and my computer said over and over that i HAVE NO CLASSES.
just tuition, which made no sense until yesterday when brittany from advising decided to let me in on the secret that i do have a class and all sorts of other ridiculousness that i have no control over.

sweet.

good thing the professor from that class knew i was dropping out and will back me up.
hopefully that is enough.



on a happy note!

i'm sick again! baby is so happy/healthy! but each time i look at the ultrasound i fall more and more in love and i don't care how sick i am or that i can't eat food (which, truly i never thought i would love less)

i have a secret project which i will let you in on after christmas, but i've never done anything like this before and i am so excited to see the finished product i can hardly stay in my boots!


i guess those boxes aren't going to pack themselves (oh sword in the stone, oh disney, why do i believe that rooms can pack themselves still?) (side note: sword in the stone is easily, EASILY the BEST classic disney movie ever, followed by robinhood and junglebook and the princesses (which are all amaazing))


i've been reading blogs lately written by people i love and i realized that they are very interactive with their readers. so, in an effort to discover the hearts of consumerism that read mine what do you want for christmas? (if you could have anything)

decking the halls,
with tape and boxes
j

Another picture of you and your friends

Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

So seeing as I have almost completely abandoned my own ideas... sorta, this thing is going to take me all year! *which is almost over for those of you counting... :] a lot of these songs were introduced to me by lee hale (wide emotional variety of music). there are a few people in my life who have changed the way i see music/ introduced me to things i'll love forever
1.dillon morris
2.lee hale
3.shaun scrivner
4.matt hoffman
5.kyle robell
6.my dad


i'm grateful to them.

Happy song

happy songs

happy song!



Sad song

sad song

sad song.



Bored song

bored song



Hyper song

hyper song

Mad song


disappointed song

baby in reeaaaaddd (to the tune of lady in red)

i'm not sure why i titled this post the way i did.

it came to me.
suddenly
and i'm sitting on our new holiday flannel bedsheets (i love green and red and cream!) making some special christmas gifts and thinking about my tender mercies of today.

today
i went to my midwife prenatal checkup
WANNA SEE THE PICTURES?!


i discussed some random things i had questions about that you don't want to know.
and then the midwife put a microphoney thingy to my belly and poked around and around and around and it took forever to find the heartbeat and i was holding my breath because i was scared that the baby was gone and then there it was fluttering out loud and i almost started crying because i was so relieved!
holy mamma!

and then the midwife said "you are showing really early, and very high up... i wonder if you have twins and we just didn't catch it"
which almost sent me into another flurry of tears and freaking out.

so, i (lucky girl that i am) got to have an ultrasound! (i love these) (well, the outside ones...) they squirt your belly with blue stuff and rub it all over with this magical wand that can see inside your insides! and it took her a few minutes to get the picture of baby because 1. baby was mad that she was pushing on it 2. baby was FLYING ALL OVER MY BELLY! it was so incredible to see this little person that brandon and i made inside my stomach flipping around, kicking it's legs,grabbing it's face and toes, wiggling it's arms and it's fingers and i started laughing so hard because

baby is just like brandon and me already!

and laughing doesn't make it easy for the midwife to keep the picture on the screen,
and baby wasn't making it easy either.

the nurse was getting pretty agitated.

but i couldn't stop laughing!

it's incredible! peanut went from being 2.5 cm to 12 cm in such a short time! i',m already 1/3 done with this pregnancy craziness!

everything has gone by so fast.

in conclusion,
i love ultrasounds

i am in LOVE with our baby already,

and i need to control myself next ultrasound so i don't miss a single fliparoo, or swimming or wiggling fingers or anything next time!

i can't believe how alive he/she is already.

that explains my tummy feeling like it's on a ship all the time... :]

it's worth it!

i love you peanut.

goodbye youtah

This thanksgiving has been so short! I had so much to be thankful for and just a week to celebrate. It just flew by! I am reluctant to leave the cozy cabin and the cherapple house that we put christmas lights up at! I am excited to move down here and be around civilization and family again! Brandon and I will go on dates (miracle)(in rexburg we never want to leave our house...)! Anyhow, it's been a good vacation and I can't imagine going back to a weather high of 6 degrees.

However, I am excited to get rid of these cold sores. NO MORE POPCORN< SLUSHIES AND PIES!

Brandon is asking me if I am writing more cynical things, it's a bad habit I've developed recently and I think it's been in vain efforts to push away the christmas spirit that's already infusing the world around me.

Also, I find the older I get the more I miss home.
Weird huh?

Utah, I'm going to miss you- it's been real.

brandonisms

"I'm going to staple Burger King applications to every bad paper I ever grade!"

-Brandon.

Black friday

I can't lie, I admire the throngs of brave people who enjoy a good deal. But frankly I think you are all crazy. There is nothing I would hate more (besides working black friday which I did last year at bath and body works in park city which was madness and truthfully terrifying) than to wake up at the unholy hours and drag my stuffed, constipated body all over the place running into overjoyed slaphappy shopheads in my drowzy, discombobulated state. Maybe I just need sleep more than the average bear, but I can NOT do black friday. The tension that is running high, the arguments over who got there first, the children crying because they should be asleep. Mom's forcing clothes onto kids, or like last year, me waiting for my ride and all her sisters to go through pac sun and get ugly stuff for two hours after my shift was over. I fell asleep in one of their displays. I'm serious. So cheers to you who pull it off beautifully, without fights and get super awesome steals. And heres to you who statistically know that the prices of "black friday" are lower the weeks before because they aren't selling as much of their overstock.

love,
j

job rants

in the frustration of job searching...

LET ME PREFACE THIS by saying this post turned into the most awful rant of my life (i used my 2 swears for next month) because I was stuck in this job(when brandon was deployed) where I couldn't say how I felt because I felt bad about how I felt and I loved the children I was caring for. So, in someways this post was therapeutic because for almost 7 months I kinda just sucked it up and never said anything except to my bff kirsten (and my mom). This post didn't make me a better person, but it made me feel better just because putting it on the internet made me feel like that part of my life didn't happen (because something this ridiculous couldn't really happen right? just on the internet.) So I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone who actually knows me or is a mother trying to get babycare right now. I feel like now that I've written all of it out, I can just put it to rest and never ever think about that time of my life again.

1. if you are advertising that you have a job opening, please be as honest as you would like your candidates to be. Please list what the job actually is, not a general overview of the entire company's policies or high range pay that has nothing to do with what you are hiring for. Please list realistically what the hours will be and not crazy general statements that drive me crazy. As a person who is looking for a job, I'd like to know what I am responding to. Thanks a heap coyote ugly.

2.if you are hiring for a nanny or a caregiver, please be realistic and fair. I am not going to be the mother of your children. That's your job, it was yours when they came out of your body and it will be until the day you die (which hopefully isn't soon), don't list an ad saying you want to pay basically next to nothing for me to do everything in your house for you, i.e. "you might be needed to run the kids around and drop them off" might i? should i? could you possibly be more specific? maybe you need to hire a bus driver. just kidding. "you will need to HELP with doing, dishes, laundry, meal prep, bathing clothing, cleaning" so when you say HELP you are really saying, I NEED YOU TO DO ALL THIS CRAP BECAUSE I WON'T. Ladies, THIS IS NOT HELPING, YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU because frankly you are too busy to be a mother which you should have thought about before becoming one, or you are a lazy piece of poo. or maybe both. or maybe there is a better reason that i cannot possibly understand right now because i'm angry. and there is no way, in kingdom come, i am ever, EVER, ever working for a family that will pay me close to minimum wage to do their every bidding ever again.
ever.

even if i like them.
LETS BE FAIR PEOPLE.
would YOU do your own job (being a mom) for 8 dollars an hour?
hell no.
you do it for free because you LOVE YOUR CHILDS!
BUT i am not doing it for free because i need a job!
which is where we meet in the middle!



I do NOT want to accept a job under false terms ever again! I WONT! IT'S CRAZINESS. I WOULD RATHER WORK IN THE DRIVE THROUGH OF TACO BELL THAN BE LURED TO A JOB THAT SAYS HEY YOU might NEED TO DO THIS and then they tell me to do everything that they can do themselves but don't feel like doing. YOU FILL YOUR DAYS WITH STUFF YOU DON'T NEED AND THEN MAKE ME DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. (i.e. shopping trips, photo shoots, plastic surgery,decorating,crafts, random romantic getaways, dinners, lunches, and sometimes (when you feel like it) work!)

I WOULD RATHER WORK IN A TACO BELL DRIVE THROUGH,
DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS?!
I HATE TACO BELL!

At least, in a major franchise that pays minimum wage and serves terrible unhealthy food that kills people- they aren't going to LIE TO ME, MANIPULATE ME, OR USE ME. I wish I had an ounce of guts when I am actually in these situations.

This has happened to me more than once.

Can you believe that?
Can you believe that a family who wants me to take care and love their child and sort of replace their time with their own children, would treat me that way? and the WORST ABSOLUTE WORST PART OF THIS, IS THAT I DO, I DO LOVE THEIR CHILDREN, I DO TREAT THEM AS I WOULD MY OWN (someday), and I don't want to leave them with their own parents! Isn't that pathetic?!


Single parents, you're alright I like you, you struggle, that's okay. Just be fair with me and yourself. Don't lie to get what you want.
Don't make me clean up your dog vomit, don't make me do every single one of your household chores, and for heaven's sake, never, sit me down and give me a lecture about how YOUR house could be cleaner. Don't leave your dishes in the sink all weekend so that when I come back to work I have to do all those plus the childrens all day, don't make me do your dirty laundry, it's disgusting! Don't make me sweep, or mop, or windex, or answer the phone and take messages, or take phone calls for your business. Don't let your children run wild all weekend eating food anywhere they want, peeing on things,eating candy galore, and then tell me I should clean it up! Don't hire me to take care of children who have serious problems that I'm not trained to handle. Especially without telling me when you hire me. DON'T tell me you'll pay me 10 to 15 dollars and hour and then pay me 8.75!
DON'T DO IT!

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO BEHAVE! Or better yet, teach yourself how to behave! Being a bad parent doesn't make you a bad person, but all the other stuff does.

Oh, and putting a smiley face after something bitchy that you wrote doesn't make it better.

:0)

Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Guess who is playing ketchup?
this moi!

Did I already do this one? I dunno okay
so

Brandon and I are having t day with his family this year (his mom makes the most amazing thanksgiving ever! last year there were three turkeys two hams, and prime rib... just a small hint of what it was like and there were only 13 adults to eat it all plus some kids) but this year I GET TO CONTRIBUTE Francis recipes into the mix of gloriousness that the Cochran family thanksgiving tradition is.

so, since this is my first time making any of these recipes i went kinda small

i'm making (even though normally i hate jello, this is one of my favorite recipes) my mom's ribbon rainbow jello (it's a rainbow! and you can cut it out into any shape) (i wish i had a turkey shaped cookie cutter with me) (this is kinda what it looks like)



and my great grandma Wing's homemade "dressing" (stuffing)

so, these are hopefully things i will be proud of in the coming week. or they could be culinary catastrophes. but still! i will do my best!

The reason why i will be so proud of these if they turn out is because both of them take TIME and patience. Which is part of the reason why I am blogging right now because in between every single layer of jello ribbon, I have to wait an hour. (normally doing something like this would drive me insane) but i have the blog and this list i need to catch up on.

thinksgiving

hey remember when i started this list every day thing and never finished it? hah! ohwell.

happy thinksgiving.

j

the apple juice is always gone before you are ready

this is sundance
this is sundance never ceasing snowing
this is me
this is my belly that popped! i'm not sure if it's a little early, if i just am not sucking in anymore, or if i like the bump so much that im letting peanut hang out but i dont care because I LOVE MY BUMP and i love to rub it and talk to it and bump (gently because itreallyreally hurts) into things! also, i love maternity wear and i'm never going back! just kidding brandon i love you. but seriously, maternity wear is 9876543324576890876 more comfortable. and soft.

for those who care i am on a winning eat streak i only throw up a couple times a day and if this winning streak ends before thanksgiving and i have to see all that delicious food and not eat it i will be furious.
love,j and BUMP.

tangy

why am i popping so soon?! my belly is huge, maybe i'm just relaxing too much.
why does chapstick make my lips worse?

why do i love maternity clothes?!

they are so so so so so comfy.
thank you brooklynnn!!!!!

why do i love the phrase
"thats the biggest load of bunk i've ever heard"

?

it snowed ALL LAST NIGHT and it's so beautiful! i want to go sledding. is that a bad idea while pregnant?

Something you’re proud of in the past few days

I am proud that even though i have no energy mentally or physically and I barfed the whole time i was doing it because of the smells, i cleaned the toilet so now it just smells like a pool to throw up in.

Spick and span.

Short term goals you have for this month

tah nuhhh i forgot to do that thingy yesterday. MOstly because i didnt realize i had to have short term goals every month but in some aspect i guess everyone does.

1. be nice to all people even if they wont substitute for your sunbeam class which is the easiest and best calling in the ward.

2. try not to be annoyed at everything

3. enjoy when brandon sticks his mouth in your belly button and shouts to peanut ridiculous requests like for baby to bring money from heaven and not to have mental problems- instead of scold.

4. do what you can around the house and if you cant stay in bed all day until you can do something.

5. find another doctor

6. move to oremz

7. be accepting of others even if they've offended you or rub you wrong.

8. don't yell at dash- he is just 7 months old and he can't understand you (see hyperbole and a half blog for more dog info on dash)

9. keep fluids down.

10. keep food down

11. make a successful rendition of mom's stuffing and rainbow jellow for thanksgiving with the cochrans.


those are my goals this month.

home.

it's not just morningsickness or the flu or foodsickness, it's homesickness.
i miss home more than anything right now.

im like, a professional ranter.

i have to say people
im really not sure if i have the flu or food poisoning.

i think it's the latter since i threw up all last night until finally this green stuff came out of me that was NOT bile (it came out with bile but not bile) and I DO NOT remember eating anything green yesterday. except my apple which came up right away and did not look like spinach.

after that i felt a little better, drank a ton of water and went to bed.

which was probably a bad idea since now that im prego, baby is sitting right on my bladder so i was up for the rest of the morning too.

pregnancy truly is a miracle.

of hell.

i asked my mom how she did it with four kids
and she said memory loss.

i really hope i inherit that gene too.
at least in the case of pregnancy.

i can say wihtout the least inhibition that this morning i hate my sunbeam zerick who lives above me and decided that from 7 until 9 he was going to stomp and jump off furniture and run down the hallway back and forth and back and forth which is right above my bed which is where i usually sleep. the worst part is that i know if i go into my midwife she'll just say to take the medicine she gave me which i can't keep down SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING!?!

cant be worse than the time i went in for an IV because i was 98% sure i was dehydrated and the secretary told me nobody was there, and that i looked oKAY because i still ahd pink around my eyes.

i almost strangled her little latino neck.

oh ushhhh scuuze me, noboady iss hear to hulp yew, becauuusss we all take like, two hour loonches. could yew lyke, dryve beck in lyke, an hoer or somesing becauseeee nobody hure cen help yew.
lady, i mnot even sure how i drove here.

THIS IS A DOCTORS OFFICE
HELP ME.

maybe i should just bypass stupidity and go straight to the hospital
do not pass go
do not collect 200 dollars
(in fact, spend it)
but ladies and gentlemen
it would be worth 200 dollars if i could have water in my veins
and my medicine in the form of the DISSOLVING TABLET WHICH I KNOW EXISTS

love
your average insane pregnant lady with food poisoning. i think.

braggging writes

today,
was the worst.

i thought i was over the morning (more like mourning) sickness since i'm 12 weeks (even though i've met mothers who were puking through their delivery... the whole nine months) (mein kampf!) (true story) but today it started fresh (my mom warned me it would) and there is nothing worse than throwing up everything you eat and drink and going into the bathroom so many times that the lightbulb finally explodes while you hurl your soul into the toilet.

so

today,
brandon came home from school
did our 2345678909876545 dishes (not an exaggeration)
changed the lightbulb
rubbed my back while i puked
made me peaches and cream (FAVE) oatmealdinner even though he knows i'm going to throw it up (he even made it watery for me! maybe.)
made me tea
made me apple juice ice cubes
went to dinner/lunch (dunch?) with my grandparents who came into town
picked up all the dog poo in the backyard
didnt make fun of me for watching pokemon movie 599.
and finished his brilliant julius caesar essay.

and brought me everything in bed.

angel man.

why is it pitch black at four oh clock in rexburg? is the end near?
because if it is, i'll be glad to be done with today
and to have forever with angel man.

peace, love, and nausea
j

A picture of someone or something that has the biggest impact on you

first this guy


then this little one





brandon says big heads come from my side of the family but i corrected him by saying that big BRAINs come from my side of the family and conveniently his side has provided the big heads. just kidding actually brandon has a little head. all his hats fit me... wait.

i saaaaid

i said i dont like belly shots but i mean bare naked belly shots.
this is just to show that i am showing! eeeeek!
also it is snowing.


ALSO look


what came in the mail for me! who sent these? that is so sweet! literally. I took a picture of my happy face and my cold sore hidden by the delicious amazing gift!!!!!

thank you! person who is awesome and random and amazingly mysterious friend.

Favorite super hero and why

I dated someone once who opened my eyes to freakazoid but I can't say that he is my favorite superhero.

I'm going to go back into my babyroots a little bit and tell you a story about one time how I had a nightmare that all the superheros died and only batman could save them and then someone killed him...
then i woke up and threw up spaghetti five times nearly missing the brand new carpet in my parents room and ruining my mother's fuzzy pink bathrobe.

Anyways.
this guy:





He has it all, the muscles, the car, the butler, the mansion, the secret hideout dungeon filled with bats, he has hot sidekicks and back-kicks and even kicks, look at those boots. He's chiseled, he's fresh, he's mysterious, he's so loveable. maybe not cuddly but he's lost his whole family give him a break. His voice is sexy and he saves gothem city the coolest city ever.

Anyways, I just wanted to leave no room for doubt that batman was/is the best. As he is re-done more and more I don't know how much more I can like him. Being married and all.

If we are talking about HUMAN super heroes that's easily this guy because he's real and that makes him the best. And he wouldn't die on me when the world needs him.



He helped me dunk the basketball when i was small (fly), he drives a pretty awesome car (only after he bought nice ones for every single person in my family before himself), he's selfless, he's loaded, he's mysterious, and he's hilarious. This man is charming, I have almost everything in my life due to him, he married my mother.

He is my dad.
SUPER hero < dad.

A picture of somewhere you’ve been

juuust kidding

This is where i grew up. i miss it terribly. i cant wait to go back. Wilton Connecticut

"But behind that fair facade I'm afraid she's rather odd..."

One time I asked Brandon what Disney princess I would be hoping he would say Tinkerbell or something clever and quirky and cute) but instead he said Belle... mixed with the Tasmanian devil.

true story.
I mean, the girl just wanted to READ!

...

"Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question. Dazed and distracted, can't you tell? Never part of any crowd, cause her head's up on some cloud."

A habit that you wish you didn't have

OKay, laugh it up, that's me trying to be sexy.

But I don't want you to focus on me, I want you to look at the pile of dishes behind me.

If I've ever used this word correctly in my life it is now: RIDIC.

It's really kinda gross.

My worst worstworst habit is that I have no brain
nope,
my worst habit is that i forget to clean up after myself.
I'm ashamed to say that this habit is infectious and my husband now has it.

It's gotten a lot better than what you see there, but I've been this way pretty much all my life. I like clutter, I like being around it (not long term...) (just long enough for it to drive me insane with madness and for me to go ocd and clean everything) (or to invite my bfffltfblt krista over because she's a speed cleaner)

I also bite my nails.
And I wake up in the middle of the night and get scared. turns out this is kinda hereditary.

A picture of you and your friends

This one is comin atcha early because i dont want to do it tomorrow and i'm waiting for something to upload.

And last but not least certainly by any. Even though it is at the top... is Brandon L cochran. This person came a lot later in my life that I expected him to, and once he was there it seemed he was there too soon! There has never been anyone on the earth like brandon. Brandon makes me laugh harder than I even thought physically possible. He makes me feel completely at ease. He is the most beautiful man inside and out and he's a genius. He has terrible music taste sometimes but he is always serving me, doing the dishes or rubbing my back or singing to me. He used to snore but then he decided (with some help from my jabbing im sure) to just stop. which is incredible. He has all sorts of interests and is always learning something new to share. He teaches me to be a better person, to be less selfish and more loving. He just spilled the entire bag of popcorn kernals on the floor in the kitchen and now I can hear him chuckling while the popcorn pops. He has the best attitude of anyone I know, and he loves the Lord. I know I will die laughing someday if he is around. And I hope with my dearest heart that he is. I tell him if he dies I'll kill him. He is my missing piece. He is going to be the father of my children, he makes me happier than I could ever fully understand. He completes my life. I love him and I am lucky to know him.






So, I know kirst is going to kill me for posting this picture since it is really old and we have a million more that are better and beautifuller. But, this one is important because we'd known each other for a while but I was visiting utah to get my hideous perm, and I fell in love with kirsten while I was there and decided I really wanted to get to know her which was an excellent decision since she has been a friend and comfort to me ever since that trip (curls or no curls, hairs or no hairs). Kirsten has listened to my heartaches and my brain, and probably what I say in my sleep ( i know I've listened to hers... summerbeans) and she kind of kept me in one peace during Brandon's deployment. She stayed the night almost all the time so I wouldn't be scared, watched me cut my own bangs one time and then helped me find someone to fix them at 11pm that night (we laughed about that one for a long time) she takes pictures with me because I'm vain and she loves me absolutely and completely. Kirsten is a genius, she writes beautifully, and says the right things when it counts, (which is all the time) she listens, and cares and is careful with people. She is shy at first but when she opens up to you she is a beautiful person inside and out and I love her dearly.




This is beeny and dello, they were my roommates in a basement that flooded at one in the morning the week of finals two years ago. The helped me decide not to be dumb, do my own hair, and how to do dishes. They also gave me the best buttercream recipe in the world.








This is Bradley, he helped me through a really rough time in my life. He witnessed me break up with harrison in a pool at king james apartment as a joke and the first time i ever slugged a guy in the face. Momentous occasions. He's my peter pan kid, he makes me crack up and one time he threw an apple at my head and it really hurt but he said he was sorry. He even visited me after I got married and nobody was around and I was the loneliest i've ever been in my life. Cheers bradley.







This is Kait. She is the smallest person i know. She is smart and she changed my life for the better. She made freshman year at BYU a hoot. And taught me what modesty, and courtesy was.





This is sarah tayebi, she is my sil (sister in law) and just look at her! She radiates the most loving light, and not even just to me! But the best part of sarah is she makes you feel like the only person in the world, she listens to your heart and is accepting. She is smart and has the BEST LAUGH holy moley! And even though she will tell you differently, she has a soft, clear beautiful voice. She appreciates culture, and cultivates interests accordingly. She knows everything you ever wanted (or maybe didnt want to know) about celebrities (which is invaluable because i know nothing) she likes paper cupcake liners and i used to argue with her because i thought tinfoil ones are better but it turns out she was correct. She is incredibly modest and loyal and THOUGHTFUL. I love this lady.






This is krista kay neeley, she is my other half of a brain (determined the good half). How can I sum this lady up in less than a novel? I'm not sure. Krista is everything. Krista is beautiful and smart and THE MOST LOVING person in the world. She is accepting of everyone, she is inspiring, she is creative and the hardest worker i've known. She succeeds at anything she puts her mind to. This is us our freshman year at college, it's funny how I should have felt so homesick but I had krista, and krista is kinda home for me. I still feel that way when I am with her and when she is absent from my life I miss her terribly. She is loud and infectious and 100% fun. But krista has a serious side too, it begins and ends with her heart and is filled in between with the best ideas and words i've seen. I love this girl. She never forgets or leaves anyone out. And she can cook to boot. Like, REALLY cook.






This is sam, (his initials are sam too, isnt that awesome?) he's one of the only people in my life who i know would drop anything to be there for me. He never made me feel anything but beautiful, and always treated me like a princess. He is one of the best listeners, and he accepts me completely for who I am, even the awful terrible no good very annoying parts. He's smart and funny and I know he'll always be in and out of my life. He's a good friend.







This is Megan, her heart is as beautiful as she is and if you saw her little girl your heart would melt. She helped me TREMENDOUSLY through the deployment and was a constant support, listening ear, and always made me feel good about myself no matter what crazy shananigans the military (or me) was putting us all through. Megan is selfless and her laugh is contagious.




This is my little brother geoff, people have been saying i look like him since he turned 12 ish. It bothered me a lot at first because, hey, i'm a girl and i'm pretty sure he is a guy (for def) but this kid has a lot of soul. He laughs at my weirdest jokes and kinda just gets me. He appreciates everybody and is really easy to get along with. He has excellent taste in music (underground rap) and the guy is hilarious. (it's hard not to just upload a picture of my whole family because they are all so awesome but i'm kind of ashamed to say that I don't know them all as well as i would like to in the future.)





This is my sister Lachelle Lee, isn't she beautiful? We don't have very much in common but I look up to her more than anyone I know, she is brilliant, musically genius, the best writer I've read, and always knows what is happening with the world. She's stubborn and she is a fighter and she has the biggest heart I know like Pistol Pete Maravich but figuratively.






This is Trinity, she is hilarious and smart and loud and always honest even if it hurts like mucho and she is the boldest woman i know. I like her and she helped me through the last half (which is much harder than the first) of the deployment. I WISH I HAD A PICTURE OF ALL MY MARINE WIVES THEY ARE AMAZING WOMEN WHO I ADORE.




SO thats it more that you ever needed/wanted to know, but i had to give it to some of these people. they've done more for me than just one blog post can hold. i am the person i am because of these people and MANY more people. Like my parents and my entire family and a whoodoo of other people that i cant even mention because its like, a boatload.

i love you all. and if you're reading this then you probably changed my life for the better too. just to listen to me means an awful lot because i talk an awful lot.