Ma mere

Anyone who has met my mother will agree that she is one incredible lady. If you haven't met her, I'm going to give you a small glimpse of her beautiful heart that I see everyday. My mom has never been flashy, or trendy, or the opposite of any of those. My mom is naturally just beautiful, she has long blond hair and piercing dark blue eyes. She was never pushy, or stubborn in raising us, but encouraged serving other people, because she knew that joy it brought to her, and she lived that way.

Every morning she woke me up for seminary and made me breakfast and read scriptures with us and made us lunch, and every day- even though for a long time i begged her not to because it was embarrassing, she would write a note on a napkin and put it in my bag. For most of middle school the notes said the same things, i threw away many of those notes without glancing back, but sometimes- in my loneliest lunches, I would pull out a napkin that changed me, made me smile, hold my head higher, and be better that day. Those small white squares became really important to me.

My life near her has been this way, her example and in her words to me each day I sometimes find another small white napkin that I can tuck away in my memory that changes me. She was never forceful or unkind in trying to teach me how to live and be a good human being. That doesn't mean I've always been the person she taught me to be. But she never loved me less.

She showed me how to love others and how to love myself. As I've grown, I've seen the sacrifices she's made for me, for strangers, I've watched her laugh lines deepen, I've seen the hard work her hands have done small and big. She amazes me. It's hard not to want to be that person quickly, to skip the hard parts, the poor parts, but those are the ones that built the mom I love and know. I accept that if I want to be any portion of the woman she is, that I will travel these paths somehow.

This is my mom's favorite church song, I think it is almost as beautiful as she is. It makes me cry when I hear it, she says she wants it sung at her funeral. The napkin analogy works well with this song too, supplying my need, lifting me up, leading me in grace,still my table spread,sure provisions. She always took care of my needs, never neglecting my spiritual needs, and reminding me of her honest love as my mother. When I think of her not being here it is almost unbearable, which is one of the reasons why the song makes me weep. But at the same time, she'll always be here with me small and simple, true and strong, necessary, those white cotton napkins, urging me on.

My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy's sake,
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death,
Thy presence is my stay;
A word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.

The sure provisions of my God
Attend my all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise!
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.