It means two ways.

When I close my eyes
I think about your shape
walking away from me
that small
and particular bounce
that your feet make as they rest
upon the pavement.
I smile about the swing of your arms
the gait in your head
as your hair sweeps towards the unknown
direction of the wind.
When I open my mouth
and the truth falls from my lips
I can see in your eyes
a sea of tremor
the tears that you keep from sliding
into your mind
to drown your thoughts
to settle the feelings
that have been lost.
Have I done the right thing
by thinking
of you.
I love you,

don't you
ever

think of me.

higher than the soul can hope, or mind can hide

I carry your heart with me
I carry it
in
my heart
I am never without it
anywhere
I go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,
my darling
I fear
no fate
for you are my fate,my sweet
I want
no world
for beautiful you are my world,
my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows
higher than the soul can hope
or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart

e.e cummings

moderation

I don't have bones in my heart that won't break
but the purpose of loving is the pounding
it takes.

a fraction of finds, a moment of mind- if you have the time.

My legs are shaking underneath the table and I have this terrible longing to speak. The kind where your ideas are having trouble meeting your mouth and the thought of allowing your sincerity to form words is preposterous. So I come here, because I know someone will listen and I find comfort in the steady clicks between my words. In the silence my thought formulates, in my head I imagine that these thoughts are creating themselves much like the world must have begun. They are small flying matter, that attaches to emotions and other experiences and make a formula that will never be replicated in the history of the world. How can you possibly feel so much for so little, that piece of thought, or rock, or whatever- hurtling through the spaces in your mind and collecting from endless gaps and sequences that explore and re-define the statement "beyond your imagination"? Once you have begun, where do you stop? The are lines and curves in the texture of trees that can never be understood. The crevices in my head keep growing towards a source of unknown energy. A knowledge that I clamor for deep in the roots of my heart. This life, the ticking of the clock face in front of me that is ever moving, reminding me of the stagnancy of my environment, but the bouncing of my limbs acts out my thought.
I am bambling.
which is rambling and blabbering.
Right now I cannot possibly find comfort in myself and must take the time to reject another and lose all known for the unknown.
again
and again
and again.

when will my mind find a mate
in a single thought
or in
fate

v day

"Indeed you broke my heart, my sweet
The job you did was so complete,
It never healed again to one, sound organ as it should have done.
Instead each little heart, became a separate little part,
So that today, I have a score of hearts where I had one before.
But erstwhile darling, please don't think
it's bothersome to own these trinkets....
For now if one gets bent or cracked,
I still have 19 hearts intact.
Which number should....(I'm fairly sure)
Outlast all subsequent amour."

today was insane, 8 and a half hours of work.
cant wait for tomorrow.

The fifteenth is national Jacqueline-Juve Day

If you spell your Jacqueline differently, then I am sure you will find another suitable holiday. I just thought I would remind you all that one of the biggest celebrations of the year is coming up- not valentine's day-
Jacqueline Day.
Jacqueline Day was coined last year by none other than mr. Chad Chatterly Bingham and was put into action because of the flowery hard work I did for like five days straight and then I celebrated the TRUE V day in a TRUE V day style by being LOVED and cherished and honored and cuddled and fed chocolate and sleep.
Don't try to feed me sleep, that doesn't always jive.
Nevertheless
Mark your calendars,
it's a big one.
Love
Juve

Flour power. flower pour

Valentines is coming and the roses are already here. We cleaned them, de thorned them, and we are going to process them this week. Today is my "destroy school!?><#$^" day so that I can just concentrate on work and GOING to school instead of the work IN school as well as work OUTSIDE of school.
Pretty much I'm going to live there this week.

If I don't see you,
know that I wish I could and that you might see me in the flowers around you.
<3ja

titled, untitled.

Whoever you are,
you are loved.

If you are reading my words
I love you.
I love you
with all my heart
which is in
all
of
my words.\



We spent the dark spreading stars
all over a start
of something.
I smoothed out the cards
placing importance on
parts
of the things in my heart
that I've parted.

So I'm picking up first
the hardest and worst
of the things that I thirst
for
in dawning

I plead with the night
for my dreams
worth the fight
in my eyes
are the happy tears
longing.

I'll hold my own hands
sing of distant lands
where your soft fingers
trace someone's hair

When I wake with a start
the ache in my heart
was for a few days

really there?

[for HCL]

If you are a woman, you are a mother.

Today I walked into the flower shoppe and there was a beautiful bouquet all in white.
I asked Jana what it was for and she told me that a mother had just lost her 5 month old. She had left her in the tub in a seat and while she ran to the next room to get her clothes the baby had flipped upside down and drowned. Her husband is away serving in Iraq and we had a phone call for the delivery early this morning.
Can you imagine? This sentence occupied my mind as I worked on other arrangements and cleaned the shoppe, how must she feel?
The grief and pain must be unbearable, the cruel responsibility and heartbreak of losing a child, I knew that the moment this woman opened the door I wanted to just hold her and say it's not your fault.

She answered quickly and quietly, I handed her the flowers and I looked at her. Her eyes were almost swollen shut and she couldn't speak. I wish I could have said more than "here, these are for you..."
I had to let the flowers speak for me and I slid back to the van and cried all the way to Teton.

This made things better.

Hello, februarurary

There is something special about a new month.
I typed moth, which is precisely what I want to talk about
an uncommon, and overlooked element of all februarys.
In highschool I dated a boy named Dillon Morris who screen printed shirts for a company he and his friend blake had invented one boring sandy egg-an non beach day. The first, was called LOPE-IT and the second INter active apparel. Both were pretty silly and spawned a smattering of silk screening rubbish all over campus but the best selling product by far was the tye dIE februebruary shirt.
To this day I have a degree of difficulty saying february as well as spelling it.
Hence the twelve (days of christmas) (30 days of feb.) types of sleppping spelling? wow I am sleeping, SPELLAGE that will spill onto this poor blog. I went into work today to talk to Heath about planting the tree branches that are growing in my kitchen. He said it would be best if I introduced them slowly into a watery dirt first to become accustomed to the new nutrients and then to ease in a dirt mix and fert. every two weeks. I've decided that this recipe for growth is applicable in more than one way and if you have a half of a figurative brain then I am certain you'll understand.
The newer elements of my life are uncomfortable, unsettling, and sometimes I look at those brown seemingly withered branches mirroring and mocking my self confidence.
How I would rather be frozen out in the snow with my other roots, safe until sunshine, sure until spring.
I've developed the system though, to create my own tree, stem by stem and the I am grateful for the process.
Last night char decided halfway through the evening that her friend and I were meant to be together. Tonight I made the executive decision that we
are
not.

I woke up this morning and ryan was calling me to tell me that he had cut off his finger.



I had to take a test (I did alright 82% without the written which I am counting on...) for humanities (isn't living an art?)
so he went to the ER alone... to have them (in my mind) re-attatch his finger. The camera phone made it look... legit? Can I say that about a deep cut?
Ryan wants to be a dentist, so this put kind of a damper on my day- thinking about this poor guy who had so aptly and admirably (belly) balanced a big jud's burger the night before in the right hand, so casually and comfortably (now resting on his belly. blehcky)...reduced to a stub in someone's mouth. Probing for... plaque.
Oral Hygiene is an uncomfortable subject excluding... limbs.
Teeth- make me shiver.
I'm pretty positive that in the night I grind my teeth, perhaps when I'm old and have stubz for teeth ry and I can open a store called STUBZ AND NUBZ
a tupperware place or something.

I called my mom to talk to her about it,
she ooohed and awoughd the whole conversation.
ten minutes after I got off the phone
who should pull up but ryan with his pointer finger completely wrapped in a giant white cast... ey thing.
Turns out he was only wasting my worry on ... the TIP of his finger.
Which he cut with a razor,
big (stupid?) baby.
I've decided I'm going to change my attitude to one of acute attention,
and in the nearest possible instance
who should axe I den(t)(f)ly slam his finger in a door but
...me?

Also, since I am taking my position in the ward as greeter very very seriously, I've decided that tomorrow I will become left handed, and make sure that everyone coming in is greeted with my left hand, and subsequentially (spell?) (slepp?) my left wrist which happens to have the most white trashy animeashy doubledragonnogoodflamming fake tattoo on it.

I can't wait.

to sleep.