here's the rest of it because some of it's private.

Brandon,
Megan told me about this motomail thing so I thought I'd give it a go- save on stamps and send packages instead. Although, I'm not quite sure what to send in a package yet. Don't worry, I'll get clever before you get home.
Will you marry me?

There is a certain star that hangs below the moon here. I know by now after years of visiting my grandfather in orem and him telling me over and over the name of the planet that shines so brightly in the sky just now that I should remember it's title. At this very moment that doesn't mean much.

Throughout history people have used the night sky for sentiment. Found solace in the stars. That small star, trying so hard to be bigger- mimicking the moon.
It's not the name of the planet, or the star or the sky in which it rests
tonight it is you.
You're not a planet. or a star or the moon

You're the mystery that surrounds the sky
the deepest hope of more.

During the day the sky plays a lighter role
literally and figuritively.
It hovers silently, blue and happy, uninterfering
unobtrusive
lovely and cool.

It's that knight

that brings the dark, brooding corners of the human soul and paints it onto a still canvas.

It is so beautiful.

I wonder at that bright spot
how it hangs there,
happily in the middle of the darkness.

I see you. Do you see me too?

This evening I went to a play with Megan and Mom and Skylie.
Sky can't say my name confidently yet
I disappear before she can learn properly.
Jacrin. Is as close to a solid person I'll be in her voice but in her mind I like to imagine I am a more sure concept.
She crawled happily into my lap and sat politely clapping through the play.
We giggled and whispered and I felt the most honest raw longing for a child of my own.
It was a musical- Aida.
eye ee duh.
I'm glad you weren't here I don't know if you would have liked it and I told Elaine you would before I had seen it.
The play is a musical by Elton John and if that says anything seeing it would etch into your brain the fact that I think Elton had a lot he wanted to say to his father and simply supressed it.
So he made a play out of it instead.
It's a love triangle.
I didn't like it much but it was nice of your mum to invite us.
Megan and Sky left early, she kept rubbing her ears and when it became past bedtime megan took her out and skylie promptly threw up.
Poor thing.
I was happy to leave soon after
so I don't know how the play ends.

Does that say something about my character?
If things get boring or hard or unrelative will I leave?

Only if the main character in my life (you) becomes a tall redhead with a mohawk and leather pants with no shirt and a vest with gold see quens.

Please don't ever do that.

You're mom takes such good care of me,
I'm still sick but well enough to go out a little and I went to family dinner yesterday
she made corned beef and soup and I made cornbread
and it was just me and your parents
we talked and laughed for a long time
and your father told the bear story again.
Which I have a better appreciation for now that I KNOW what he is talking about.

There isnt a limit to the things I can type write? I'm not wasting the small paper supply of afghanistan?
I hope not.

By the time dinner was done I looked out the window and there was four inches of solid snow outside.
Your parents followed me down the canyon to make sure I got out alright
it was terrifying.

But the rabbit made it.

One important thing I learned this week was that God has a sense of humor.
I want to tell you before your mother does because megan told her about this moto mail thing today too.

I went to church on sunday and I was sitting in the beginning of the gym when a couple walked in and I thought to myself " what a good looking couple." "why do they look so familiar?"
Brandon,
(use your imagination)________and her husband sat down two rows in front of me and they are in our ward.
My relief society president pulled me up to introduce me and I think ______'s head just about snapped off looking round at me.
poor thing.
My mom gave me the best advice because I was hyperventillating- thinking what do i do? what would brandon do? what would jesus do?
She said the just be gracious. Be a lady and don't talk to anyone about it.
And that made me think of Grace and then I was OK.
I wish I could be ignorant.
But I think the best thing I can do is just ignore it until I have to meet her.
There's a part of me that needs so badly to grow up and cope with the fact that she is beautiful and kind and a person like me.
I think god knows that
so he did this.
so that I could know.

The dryer still isnt working but I dont care,
I lay the laundry out in the livingroom and while I clean the floors I sing until it's all dry.
the house looks better and better and I am so grateful for it.
For you
for humor and for home.
For that sky up there.
And again, to you out there.

I love you so much.
-your missing peace