if you don't want to buy somebody chocolates- then don't.

'
I'm getting on a little soap box. Something I don't do often. Bear with me.




I remember a conversation I had a few years ago with a guy I was study buddies with in high school. He was an older kid, and I remember thinking he was so cool. But talking to him I realized he was just human, like the rest of us when he brought up a problem he'd been having with this girl. "I'd take her out, I'd do all this stuff for her, but she just doesn't like me." "Listen" I said, "if you don't want to buy somebody chocolates. Then DON'T." I don't know why this made so much sense then- but it struck a chord in him and in me ever since.

If you don't like somebody, then don't bother doing kind things for them- and- in my opinion, if you DO think you COULD like someone, even if they've done terrible awful no good very bad things, or are just plain obnoxious- then you SHOULD try.


I've done a lot of dumb things. I've even said things about people that I didn't really take the time to know

and I feel bad about it.

(EVEN if it was unwarranted- usually it's because I hear really awful things about them and things they've done to other people which kinda sicken me. But if those things (like some things in the world) turn out to be totally and completely untrue, then I'm sorry. But if YOU heard things that I did to someone that were (desperately) despicable- how would you deal with it?)

But if I stretch out my hand and you stomp on it, don't expect me to try over and over and over again to be friendly. SERIOUSLY. especially if I know those things about you and I'm trying.

It's like my dear friends the wasps (who apparently, I live with.) I see them, and I let them alone for a while but I watch them. If they go crawling buzzing all over my body, or my bedroom- then I kill them.

Okay, maybe that's a bit not the metaphor I am looking for. But listen, if you don't like me, that's okay. If you do, that's okay too- but probably either way at some point my feelings

(like unto that of any marine wife who is pretty much at the point of tears every second of this entire deployment: ESPECIALLY recently, who has horrible nightmares, misses phone calls, and prays her little heart out that her husband will come home ALIVE, while defending his actions to all her liberal "open" minded californian friends who want nothing to do with the war (super OPEN huh), )

are gonna be hurt. I just hope we can talk about it like grown ups, and not sneak around saying different things to each other. Because I believe every single word I write. I say dumb things sometimes. But I usually write exactly what I mean.

AND I try not to be MEAN when I do it.
which counts for something.

If you don't like it.
Then don't read it.