Someday when we are in a perfect world you will know how much I absolutely adore you. I think you are awesome. I think you are so lovely, and I think you are creative to b00t. If I didn't have so much self loathing- jealous bugs then I would be friends with you. You fascinate me. Do they have those bug terminators in heaven? They should. Except it would have to be a non- summer sales bug terminator.

So we can begin being friends. I just wish I could have some FREAKING CLOSURE with somethings in my life that have to do with you. It's not that I don't want them to matter- they are really important to me [even still, even married] but they made me feel so bad, like I was the one who took the big beautiful and made is a mush mess. A monster. A sad, sad cute, sad,well, miserable monster. And I never did anything to help. And then you were there, filling the whole mess with love and pretty. It's not my place anymore,
I wish I could be that.

j