8-7-2011

today is grace elaine cochran's baby blessing. this is the dress i was blessed in, and my little blanket.

a lot of people dont know this but i knew grace was coming a long time ago. when i was a small girl i remember waking up in the night and slipping my doll under my nightgown and standing at the window, wondering what it would be like to be a mother.

later in life, i was 18, and i was trying to figure out what i wanted from my college career. one night i prayed very earnestly to know what i should do and fell asleep, and met grace. i was 18. it was the first time in my semi-adult life where i was single, i had just broken up with one of the only very long relationships id ever had and i wasnt pregnant or looking to become pregnant in my list of life accomplishments at that time. so in this dream it was me in a very white room and i was waiting. i'm not sure what i was waiting for but a baby appeared and began to cry. it had blue eyes, and i went to it to see if i could comfort it and the baby just cried louder, i asked it where it's mother was and to my surprise it spoke. mom, she said. and i backed away, because i just wanted to know which major to pick for college, i didnt want a baby! again the little one began crying, mom, it said, it's me, it's grace. i went to the girl and picked her up and she stopped crying and i woke up. i tried not to think about my answer all day at school the next day. a friend came over and put a bunch of talks by members of the church presidency on my ipod and i thought it would be interesting to press shuffle and find out what the universe thought i should hear.

i am not lying to you when i say that the first three talks had nothing to do with each other except for the repeated use of the word grace. it took me five years to embrace the knowledge that i knew as a little girl i wanted to be.

it took being sicker than any other time in my life, it took time and energy and space in my heart- and now that she is here i wouldn't have parted with myself for anything less than amazing grace.

when brandon and i were dating, i told him i was having a baby girl first and he laughed at me and said i had a 50% chance of being wrong. but i was certain.

after brandon and i were married, and on a night while he was training in pendleton for afghanistan, brandon woke me up in the deep blue california light to tell me all about a dream he had had about a tall, brown haired girl named grace. he told me she was playing basketball, and he was cheering for her and embarrassing her on the sidelines.

he said she was beautiful, and she is.