Mirrors

It snowed a fooot today and then melted everywhere it didn't reach. I'm having a crisis. More than wet shoes. No, more like an silent battle. I don't know what it is, I only know that I alone am causing it to happen.

I took a nap today, so here it is, 12:45 am and I'm not tired. So, what do I do when I'm not tired? I look at old letters, old emails, old posts. I torture myself with my hidden insecurities and anxieties about my future. I long for what I sometimes want, certainly don't need and definitely cannot have. augh, why?

Maybe I should erase my blog, throw away old letters and clean out my inbox and erase those text messages. In a deranged way I am like someone addicted to porn, who needs an unknown security password. Like I need to know that somebody cared about me at some point. It seems as if I need to force myself to only live in the present, in reality. I know I am not the only one.

Tomorrow I will wake up happy and content. Late night dreaming does damage to the soul.

Today I typed in random names on blogspot and read some terribly sad blogs. I wonder if someday, someone will stumble on mine and relate, or what they will think.

I think that if people didn't know it was me who said it-

they would like it more.


Mirrors are mere errors.